“We’re here to kill a bunch of people.” – Johnny Vohden

  The Sicilians and Klingons have a saying; Revenge is a dish best served cold. That it is, and Rolling Thunder takes said proverb and runs with it. It’s a tough piece of work that transcends its exploitation origins.  Not only a fascinating journey into man’s darkest angels, but a satisfying tale of frontier justice.
 Released in the summer of 1977, Rolling Thunder made its modest budget back on the drive-in circuit, but after earning decent coin and critical acclaim, it disappeared. Surfacing on video and Home Box Office (where I saw it) a few years later it earned a cult following that lasts today with Director Quentin Tarantino as one of its biggest fans going so far as to name his now defunct production company after it.

                          SPOILERS AHEAD! WE’VE BEEN WARNED!

 William Devane stars as Major Charles Rane, who along with fellow POW camp survivor, Johnny Vohden, (Tommy Lee Jones) is returning home to San Antonio, Texas after eight years of physical and mental torture in Vietnam. Greeted with a marching band and cheering crowds, both men are given a true heroes welcome. Rain is awarded a brand new Cadillac convertible and $2,500 in silver dollars, one for everyday of his capture in the Hanoi Hellhole. Linda Forche` (Haynes), who later tells Rane that she is his groupie and will do whatever he wants, presents the gift to him.
Just as the Major is settling into his new life, his wife drops a bombshell- she is in love with another man. His reaction is of indifference, but does admit it is too much for him to hear. He appears drained of every desire-every emotion except for the love of his nine-year-old son, who he is slowly getting to know. The other shoe drops when five armed thugs break into his house demanding the $2,500 in silver dollars. Reverting back to POW mode the Major refuses to cooperate. The Texan, played with slimy malevolence by James Best, orders his right hand into the garbage compactor. Once his hand is gone, he still refuses to talk. His wife and son come home and immediately offer up the money. The thugs shoot them anyway. Rane still says not a word. With his hand gone and his son murdered, the Mcguffin is set in motion as he becomes obsessed with vengeance for his son. The killers unwittingly give Rane a powerful weapon by cutting his hand off. In its place is a prosthetic hook that Rane sharpens into a deadly point. This becomes a powerful symbol of irony as he becomes more of a threat with his fake hand than his real one.
 Once recuperated, the Major seeks help from his friend Johnny Vohden. He gets a lead and finds where the killers are headed. Even though he did not have to, he asks his friend to come along. Vohden reaction is without forethought, as he never once questions Rane’s agenda. Both men know each other better than they know themselves; their dialogue is dense, succinct and to the point. They have an almost psychic connection, two men who suffered through hell together, both psychologically damaged beyond repair. We see more than what’s stated. Spares dialogue illustrates what they will do.
 “I found the men who murdered my son,” says Rane. A slight pause, Vohden starts to gather his satchel, shotgun. He looks up and with a matter–of-fact tone says, “Lets go clean ‘em up.” No moralizing, no questioning, Vohden’s loyalty reaches beyond their wartime kinship. He acts as though he needs this; to be useful again. Body language and facial expressions show us more than a page of loaded dialogue.
 Much to Rane’s chagrin Linda Fourchette tags along. A nice girl, but a bit too wild for the Major. It’s obvious she has had an excessive amount of men in her life despite her young age. Rane is too complex for her as she thinks his emotional and sexual rejection is personal. It’s seemingly a thankless role that is given great depth and dimension by Linda Haynes’ natural performance. A credit to her talent since Schrader has never been known for scripting strong female characters.
 Just one year before Schrader penned–Taxi Driver–here he offers a more sympathetic character in Major Rane. Bickle’s rage was somewhat elusive, random, fixated on the world in general; a lonely soul waiting to strike back. He had no single enemy. The Major’s rage is focused, accessible, and even understandable. We know what he has been through; the imprisonment, the torture and then the murder of his son; it’s inevitable as to what he does.
  Rolling Thunder captivated the drive-in circuit regulars. Subtle this is not, but underneath its revenge/exploitation trappings, we get a smart, volatile story that pushes its character to the brink. Schrader seems to enjoy humiliating his characters by building them up and then tearing them down. As all movies that go like this, no matter how much happiness a character will experience, he will have an equal amount, if not more pain to bear. It is a great way to build tension as we wait for the shit to hit the fan.
Director Joe Flynn offers an acceptable low-key style that would never win any awards, but it suits the tone of the film. Even the final shoot-out in the Mexican whorehouse is shot rather straightforwardly, but its operatic, vengeance-fueled power is retained. The cathartic release through violence is typical of this era and type of film. Lacking in fancy visual flair, its’ Schrader’s words and the performances that permeate every scene, making a lasting impression.
 As in all Schrader vehicles, the performances are flawless. William Devane delivers his finest as Major Rane. The actor never really achieved the stardom his co-star Jones would receive as he concentrated on television’s ”Knots Landing,” but his work here speaks for itself. Rane is nearly robotic in his emotional demeanor. He internalizes everything. He weeps not for no one and shows only love for his nine year-old son. Even when his wife reveals she has been with another man, he clams up. It is as if she died on that day since he never once mentions her in the same sentence as his dead son. When the thugs are cutting his hand off, he doesn’t even scream. You know he is a powder keg waiting to blow; it is only a matter of when.
Tommy Lee Jones as Johnny Vohden, in one of his very first co-starring roles, delivers the goods in his limited screen time, but he is the emotional anchor of the entire flick He is the match to the flame of the explosive events that will play out. Before Rane contacts him, he seems bored, uninterested, not comprehending what’s happening to him, just not giving a shit anymore, but when Rane comes along with his problem Johnny comes alive. You can see it in his face; he feels useful again. This is one of Jones’s finest pieces of work, ranking behind Lonesome Dove and Coal Miners Daughter.
 James Best known simply as The Texan and to most as the doofus Sheriff Roscoe P. Coltrane on television’s The Dukes of Hazzard, is one of the meanest SOB’s ever put on film. He is a greasy, rat of a man who delivers one of the films most telling lines. When Charlie’s wife asks him, why didn’t you just tell them where the money was? Best interjects with a smarmy grin on his face, “I’ll tell you why, ma’am.’ Cause he’s one macho motherfucker!”
 That line is important because it is a subtle political statement that shows us the hell our soldiers went through, during and after the Vietnam war and how little the general public cared and how clueless the Texan is. It’s the state that created this warrior and it’s the state who discards him.  The Texan is murdering, thieving walking slug who thinks Rane’s silence is something surface as machismo or putting on a brave face. It has nothing to do with male bravado, but the damage the war has done to him. It’s the only way Rane knows how to react to an “aggressor, by shutting down; in captivity showing pain gave the enemy pleasure. That is not something that can be turned off like a switch.  Kill-switch engaged.
  Often compared to Death Wish but resemblance only in plot, Rolling Thunder is slightly deeper, the story of a man who has lost everything.  When the thirst for justice becomes so overwhelming, there are no other options, but to kill. It has nothing to do with the system failing him, although it does to a slight extent,  its about a man losing his identity and fighting to take it back along with some much deserved justice.  The only justice he knows is to kill his son’s murderers; anything else would be an anathema.
If you are a fan of gritty 70’s revenge flicks than Rolling Thunder is your thing. The film is an explosive piece of work, but a very rewarding experience.
Good news, after years of legal limbo, we finally have a blu-ray release but only in the UK. Region free players should play it fine!

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THE BEST

War Horse – Very much an old-fashion story, but never hackneyed as told by Director Steven Spielberg. The friendship between a boy and a horse who are separated but whose fates continue to be intertwined over the course of World War I is told with conviction, love and the usual movie magic. The film’s final shot is one of his most iconic and it is simply beautiful. Sentimental and rousing, this is one his best John Williams provides the score with his usual stamp of awesome. Emily Watson and David Thewlis round out the excellent cast.

Drive – Ryan Gosling stars as the nameless driver who drives the getaway car for criminals willing to pay.
Worth it for the first 10 minutes alone as the driver shows of his skills evading cops in hot pursuit. Perfectly shot and photographed, this is how a car chase is done! Stylish and gritty, no shaky or gyrating camera while very much copping a 70’s vibe, this clever, cool thriller has moments of art-house goon syndrome, but is razor sharp the rest of the time. Gosling is laconic and effective and perfect foil to Albert Brooks, who is excellent as the main foul-mouthed gangster baddie. Ron Perlman and Bryan Cranston co-star.

50/50 – Exceptional drama/comedy of a young man, played with pitch perfect by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, diagnosed with cancer. Surprisingly funny and upbeat, despite the prognosis as Seth Rogan offers excellent support as the profane best friend. Superbly acted, this is a nice ode to positive thinking and the support offered by really true friends.

Fright Night – In many ways, far superior to the original, this excellent remake copies the bullets points, but creates its own story and has fun with it. Collin Ferrell is excellent as Jerry, the suspected vampire. Marti Noxon of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” fame, having written for that classic series, knows her way around vampire lore with style and a “biting” sense of humor. Hip, funny and scary when required, this remake does everything but suck.

Ides of March – As distasteful as I find Clooney and his smug politics, he weaves a compelling tale, as Director, he gets a fantastic performance out of all of his actors; Paul Giamatti, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Ryan Gosling.
The starry-eyed idealism versus the harsh reality and sleaze ball tactics of campaign politics is a familiar one, but it’s a message that viewers need to be reminded of still and is relevant and well played by everyone. Clooney is excellent as the morally challenged Senator.

The Muppets – What a fun ride! Jason Segal co-writes and stars (along with Amy Adams and Chris Cooper) as the human anchor to the muppet world as he sets off on an adventure with his best friend who is also a muppet, Walter.
The best movie going experience I’ve had all year. I feared it would be a victim of NERD-stolgia and implode on just fuzzy memories, but it is its own creation and delivers a heartfelt, witty, emotional story suffused in nostalgia, but not taken hostage by it. It’s a rush to see the gang reunited: Kermit, Fozzy, Rolf, Miss Piggy, Scooter, Gonzo, Staler and Woldorf. Their voices sound a bit different, but the spirit and sense of humor is still intact. The jokes and the music are memorable and will have you humming into next week. A total blast from start to finish, The Muppets return is long overdue.
Super 8 –Written and Directed by JJ Abrams and produced by Spielberg, is a nostalgic ride without being maudlin, is equal parts of The Goonies and Spielberg’s Close Encounters… set In the summer of 1979, a group of friends in a small Ohio town witness a catastrophic train crash while making a super 8 movie and soon suspect that it was not an accident and quickly fall into a life defining adventure. It’s heartfelt without being corny and a throwback monster movie without being too genre-centric. Abrams knows better to keep the focus on the kids and not the gimmicky McGuffin. The kids are real, they jump off the screen and the young actors are phenomenal capturing complex emotions and situations. Kyle Chandler co-stars as the main adult solving the mystery gripping their small town. It’s a wonderful inspiration to everyone that ever dreamt of making movies.

Insidious- An excellent, good ole fashion creep out is rare these days, but this to the point story is atmospheric as hell and makes use of its simple premise. Plenty of jump moments, the effective and old fashioned vibe is admirable.
Patrick Wilson and Rose Byrne headline as the parents of a boy with a strange “illness.” The music, the editing, the direction and the acting makes this uncomfortable and perfectly tense; one of the best horror films in recent years as it forgoes the gore and the stupid torture porn for actual suspense, a lost art in today’s horror releases.

Cowboys & Aliens- Not as good as it should have been, but for the outstanding cast alone, I enjoyed it long time. Harrison Ford, Daniel Craig, Sam Rockwell, Keith Carradine, and Clancy Brown are all excellent as this genre mash-up gives us one of Ford’s best performances in years as the villainous Colonel Dollarhyde, who rules the western frontier town with an iron fist. When aliens invade the town, the inhabitants must work together to stop them. Director Jon Favereu has next to zero style; he makes Ron Howard look like Scorsese with his vanilla approach, yet with the exception of a few scenes, he makes this work. Over-hated and ignored, there is a lot to like just for the novelty of seeing Han Solo/Indiana Jones and James Bond sharing scenes together.

THE WORST

Abduction – Taylor Lautner proves he should stick to the Twilight crap, as this, as terrible as it is, is too much for him to carry. Apparently having lost his credibility in H-town, Director John Singleton, and (YES! THAT one and the same!) Steers this mechanical mess into every cliché possible, mainly all the bad ones. Alfred Molina and Sigourney Weaver are merely picking up paychecks as they offer nothing and add to the boredom. Keanu reeves is no longer the worst actor in Hollywood, Lautner does an admirable and superior job of impersonating a piece of wood.

Transformers 3: Darkside of the Moon- Excess is not always a bad thing, Michael Bay has made a career out it, but enough is enough! Bay has made some good films with this style- Con Air, The Rock and Bad Boys II and the original Transformers are fun in their excessive, trashy way. Here, it’s tiresome. The problem with this film is that it front loads with way too much plot. Why do we need to see Sam on a job hunt for 30 minutes that adds nothing to the plot. His woes with his girlfriend are a snoozer as is the arrival of his annoying and kvetching parents. Too much human Fu, not enough robot Fu makes this one a full on bust.

Jack & Jill- Adam Sandler continued to rape the cinematic body with his usual toothless unfunny assaults and has been rewarded for it many times over, (Grown Ups, Big Daddy, Mr. Deeds, Little Nicky, anyone? didn’t think so!)   Clichéd and plot points taken from better movies (Tootsie), there is nothing here original, funny or memorable. After the excellent Click and Funny People, he was on to something, moving beyond his man-child, screaming, funny voice shtick, but no. Like any whore, he goes where the money takes him. What’s worse is that this has a cast of actually talented people, except for David Spade, that should know better; Katie Holmes, Al Pacino, Dana Carvey, Tim Meadows, Drew Carey, Norm MacDonald, Johnny Depp and Drew Barrymore. Why?

Apollo 18- Yet another found footage crapfest that is like watching from the POV of someone with A.D.D. (Attention Deficit Disorder) constantly editing and changing perspectives, this annoyance tries to keep the style going yet forgets to tell a coherent, engrossing story. I saw this only a few weeks ago, yet I cannot remember a single second, nor should anyone.

Conan the Barbarian- Yet another remake that brings nothing new to the table; boring and redundant, the only thing good is Jason Moma, who gives Conan plenty of brains with the brawn, but is let down by the clichéd screenplay. The entire film is photographed ugly; the screenplay shoddy, uninspired and totally forgettable, not even close to the genre genius of the Arnold original.

The Howling Reborn – A valiant, but ultimately incoherent mess to revive the werewolf franchise of the 1980’s. I dig werewolves, and this has some impressive practical make-up, but loses points for several CG enhanced transformations that happen too quickly and a story that derails by the last act.

What’s Your Number? – Ana Ferris has a sweet presence and she is usually funny, but here she’s dumb and shallow paired up with an even dumber and shallower d-bag played by Chris Evans. Andy Samberg has a great bit as a perverted puppeteer, but the rest is forgettable in this by-the-numbers entry on the long list of lame ass entries into the romantic/comedy genre.

Pirates of the Caribbean 4: – Johnny Depp is funny because he’s impersonating a drunken Keith Richards…AGAIN! I hate everything about these special effects laden, over-the-top eye pokers. I don’t get it.

Human Centipede 2- I will admit, I liked the first one. It was surprisingly restrained considering its twisted premise. Effective and quite chilling as far as modern horror goes. Numero dos is awful. Sick, dark and twisted, but in a bad way. I emphasize sick as it seems to be just that  just for the sake of it. Nothing artistic or creative is said here, just wanton evil and sheer arrogance made this pile of filth.

Most Fun At the Movies:

Fast Five- I hated the third and fourth entries with a passion, but car porn is something I can not resist. Just when I thought I was out, they pulled me and Dwayne Johnson back in. A fun, over-the-top, but not too far over with its comic book violence and excellent realized actions scenes. A movie so good, Vin Diesel doesn’t come off looking like the knuckle-dragger he is. Same goes for Paul Walker and his dead, expressionless face; both actors show some life as does this franchise.

Best Television Premiere of 2011:

Revenge- Emily Van Camp stars as a woman scorned, out to seek revenge on everyone who falsely accused her dead father of being a terrorist. Soap operas were never this good; van camp is like a cat stalking her prey, exacting, sexy and flawless. Madeline Stowe hisses her words as she chews the scenery and the edge of the television, playing the conniving, sinister Victoria Grayson, one of the best villains since Larry Hagman’s J.R. Ewing. Well written and acted, the plots move from episode with a sly, exacting precision.

Worst Television Premiere of 2011:

Whitney – Leave it to NBC, a network so bad, they couldn’t get good ratings if they aired hard core pornography in prime time, to yet again christen a tired premise that has never been successful; relationship/dating, complaining about monogamy shtick. No one tunes in to her men and women complain about each other for trivial, stupid and especially unfunny reasons unless they wanted Seinfeld with ovaries.
Shows like this never learn their lesson. A look at all the classic sitcoms will show that great comedy comes from characters. Write a character with a certain personality trait, (dumb, arrogant, slutty, naïve, and crazy, bigoted…) and let the comedy spring fourth. The show’s star and writer is Whitney Cummings who is a blank slate. How this crap ever got on the air is alarming as she looks like a dude in drag, her big man hands flail around as she insults her bum of a boyfriend whose only employment it seems is to wear a nasty, unwashed mangy beard and act as a doormat for her stupid indulgences. The show would be sexist and contrived if it knew what those big words meant. Instead it’s just unfunny to a disquieting degree; the series lacks the most basic source of jokes/humor. When I say there are no jokes, there is nothing to chuckle at; no guffaw, no tee-he, no Ha Ha, no LOL. Zip, nadda, zilch, nothing!
All the more insulting is the stupid, over-bearing laugh track that is placed in every deadly dull line. This feels like something that would have aired on CBS in the mid 80’s, starring Lucie Arnez or Hal Linden and produced by Chuck Lorre. AWFUL.

The Most Over-Hated Movie of the Year

The Green Lantern – Even so often a movie or tv series is released and becomes the unnecessary target of hate and scorn by some virgin geeks.  My thoughts are already known, this one was not nearly as bad as the geek critics wanted it to be. They sharpened their knives long before seeing it and made their minds up way before ever seeing it. My guess is its done by morons who’ve not seen enough films to make a logical disertation of what truly sucks. Not perfect, but solid and tons of fun and one of DC’s best productions.

 You can’t throw a dead hobbit out the window right now and not hit a comic book movie in the head.  We live in a geek renaissance of sorts that began way back in 1998 with Marvel’s first release, “Blade” and has continued on at the turn of the century with X-Men up to last year’s “Thor, “X-Men: First Class,” “Captain America” and “Green Lantern.” Super hero fatigue has most likely set in for the time being, at least until next May when we see Joss Whedon’s hotly anticipated “The Avengers.”

Until then, lets dissect, examine and admire the good and the bad that have come before.

 Let’s get it over with, the bad ones first…

Elektra (2004) a spin-off of Daredevil, failed to gather much fan interest or box-office coin making it one of Fox’s biggest flops in decades. Jennifer Garner does her best, but it does not work amidst the fractured screenplay and dodgy direction. The film lacks an emotional core and a strong, coherent story, villain. An odd, strange, and muddled mess that never discovers who or what the title character is all about other than she is plagued with OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)….huh? Exactly.

 Catwoman (2004) The only other film on this list that rivals, nay surpasses the sheer crappiness of Batman & Robin. It is still unclear what DC intended to do with this Halle Barry vehicle considering the story has nothing to do with Batman or the Selina Kyle character. Based loosely on the DC property only, Barry is left to solve her own murder after she has been possessed with ghost of some Egyptian princess bullcrap…yes, it is as dumb as it sounds. Sharon Stone co-stars and is her typical god-awful self.  Misguided and flimsy from start to finish, its astounding that Barry had won a Best Actress Oscar only three years prior.

The Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer (2007) Hard to believe that it could out crap the first one, but it did.  Campy, idiotic and garish; the actors are all miscast and never quite seem to buy into the fantasy of it all. The screenplay is clueless reducing the four to squabbling jerk offs obsessed with trivial matters and name-calling. Dr. Doom is wasted again in this flimsy directed sequel that mishandles the Silver Surfer who seems out of place with these four morons and deserves a much better movie. A redo is promised but with an all new cast.

Captain America (1992) originally, intended to be released in the summer of 1989 as Marvel’s counter to “Batman,” instead debuted direct to video in 1992, but played in theaters overseas. Cheap and misguided, Directed by the King of the hacks, Albert Pyun, this first official Captain America movie never really takes off as the shapeless, sometimes incoherent blob of a plot never takes hold. Even though it had a then-decent $10 million budget, it soon ran out and looks worse than the early 90’s version of Fantastic Four that was made for a cool one million.
 Red Skull is unconvincing and his mouth barely moves. The film’s biggest snafu is Matt Salinger as Cappy. Due to an allergic reaction to the material of his mask that irritated his ears, he had to wear fake ones on the outside of his costume making a complete fool of himself as the ears stick completely out like some freak version of Clark Gable.
 Salinger is square-jawed and earnest enough, and maybe in another time he could have made Cap’n his signature role, but the fake ears make him a joke along with the brain-dead screenplay. Too bad considering the support players are top notch; Ronny Cox, Darrin McGavin, Ned Beatty and Melinda Dillon. A welcomed and vastly superior remake arrived in 2011.

Superman IV: The Quest for Peace (1987) the road to Hell is paved with good intentions such is the case with the final entry in the Christopher Reeve starring saga.
 Ultimately dull and shoddy looking, it makes the 1950’s television series look like an epic in comparison. After the triple punch of Part III, ”Supergirl,” taking both critical and box-office slams and Chris Reeve hanging up his cape forever, the Salkinds, suffering their own loss on “Santa Clause: The Movie”, sold their interest in the character to Golan-Globus backed Cannon Studios.
 Chris Reeve had been reluctant to return after his horrible experience in Part III, but was given an offer he could not refuse; he would share story input, co-write the screenplay, fashion a story that wouldn’t be perceived as a farce and a chance to Direct Superman part 5 if the current installment was a success.
“The Quest for Peace” was originally funded with a healthy $36 million budget, (a sizeable amount in those days, about the same that was used on Part III), but before filming began, it was slashed to $17 million after the studio suffered a series of box-office flops and spread its money around to pay bills.
 Director Sidney J. Furie (Richard Donner was originally asked, but refused) was forced to cut corners everywhere. A slash and burn attitude, he cuts like a butcher on Thanksgiving; from production design to special effects; the film released appeared as though it was unfinished.
 Too bad, considering there are some good ideas buried inside; Supes intent to rid the planet of nuclear weapons at the behest of an idealistic 13 y/o boy; his boy scout speeches at the United Nations, and the double date with Lacy Warfield (Mariel Hemingway) and Lois with Clark/Superman; are all nice touches, but it doesn’t help. Some of the film’s flaws are just infuriating; like Lacy Warfield breathing in space…
 The cheap effects are some of the worst ever seen- the matte work is glaringly obvious and wires can be seen in many flying scenes. The space scenes have no stars as Supes flies against an all black backdrop and if you look close, you can see the studio walls. Even with real money, I doubt the effects would have been as memorable as the first two films.
 In the first two films, the effects were used to tell a fantastical story, to propel it, to suspend our disbelief instead of insulting our intelligence and the characters. Reeve and Kidder still have sparks and show some genuine heart in their scenes together but their Superman/Lois relationship is repetitive and adds nothing new. The fight with Nuclear Man is déjà vu all over again and not nearly as impressive as the Zod melee and is sabotaged by the laughable bad effects.
 The film’s lowest point, Nuclear Man kidnaps Lacy Warfield and carries her off TO SPACE where he hair blows freely in the breeze and the vacuum of space appears to have no effect on her breathing….huh?
 It’s great to see the return of Margot Kidder as Lois Lane and Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor, but both look uncomfortable and with nearly 45 minutes cut from the film’s original running time, the story is often times disjointed and moves too fast. The result was released to theaters to a tepid audience and disappeared two weeks later. Ultimately, a bigger failure than part 3, as it was the last chance to save the movie franchise with Christopher Reeve. All to no avail as the series would go dormant until 2006’s Superman Returns.

Supergirl (1984) Envisioned as a spin-off franchise and to take over from the departed Reeve, the cousin of Superman suffered a far more cruel fate as this was her one and only outing.
 An original running time of 150 minutes, the film was cut down to the bone at 105 minutes and it shows; incoherent subplots, scenes not connecting and inconsistent performances from just about everyone. Through it all, Helen Slater shines in the titular role. She like Reeve gave the character a warm, human sole and easy-going charm. She makes the flying scenes convincing and helps save some of the film’s worst moments.
 Chris Reeve was asked and agreed to make a cameo, but bowed out early as he cut ties with the Salkinds. Marc McClure is the only carry-over once again playing Jimmy Olsen, boyfriend to Lois’s younger sister, Lucy. As good as Slater is, Faye Dunaway, chews her scenery like a beaver looking for an escape. She adds nothing to the film and her sidekick, Brenda Vicaro is equally bad. Think Otis in drag.
 Second verse, same as the first, the tone, and the intent is all wrong- campy contempt all around as there is no effort to make the character three-dimensional and interesting. Jerry Goldsmith’s score is another rare bright spot, one of his best; too bad that kind of care was not carried over to the screenplay.

Doc Savage (1975) based on the pulp hero, the first real comic book character who pre-dates both Superman and Batman and was one of the inspirations for Indiana Jones. This is the first and only filmed version of the good doctor and is one of the worst films ever made. Yet, surprisingly faithful to the novels and star Ron Ely is perfectly cast, but the film is derailed with extemporaneous garbage and crammed with campy, crappy unfunny jokes and John Phillip Sousa music that almost plays like a Naked Gun movie, with nothing taken seriously.
 The movie has a lousy sense of humor for instance; Don Rubio Gorro (Bob Corso) the main bad guy, rocks himself to sleep in an adult-sized baby crib, with Beautiful Dreamer as its musical cue. The campy jokes are pathetic- the animated twinkle in the eye of Doc Savage (Ron Ely) at the beginning of the film and an applause soundtrack was added following Doc’s recitation of his personal code. A box-office flop and largely forgotten, it was famed producer George Pal’s last project.

Superman III (1983) this is quite possibly my most hated sequel of all time. The one that took all the goodwill, expectations and continuity created by the first two and pissed it away with stupid campy tone and a redundant villain in this soulless, crass money-grab. Brainiac was the original villain, but instead Ross Webster (Robert Vaughn) was created to hijack all of Lex Luthor’s worst ideas and steal his best jokes as yet another ego-maniacal industrialist/plutocrat, with an idiot sidekick, sets their lofty goals on Superman’s demise.
 Gene Hackman, offended by the treatment of Richard Donner and his eventual firing from Part II, refused to return as Lex Luthor. Margot Kidder as Lois Lane was reduced down to a cameo with Annette O’Toole stepping in as Lana Lang, Clark’s new love interest.
 After seeing Richard Pryor on “The Tonight Show,” in 1981 and telling Johnny Carson how much he enjoyed “Superman II,” the producers offered the comedian a starring role and $4 million, three million less than Reeve.
In his defense, Pyor is the film’s least offensive element; he could have been quite funny and effective in a better-written and realized role by actually playing a character instead of Richard Pryor, but instead he’s given a fuzzy character we do not quite believe.
 Ultimately, though he is miscast and underused, he is not the target of my rage as that would be Director Richard Lester. After the tumultuous production of Superman II that pushed Richard Donner out the door, Lester’s version was a big hit and so it was a no-brainer that he stay on for III. Except no, one told him he would be making a Superman film. He instead, turned III into a goofy, English caper movie with sight gags, puns, and parody elements aimed squarely at the Man of Steel, a character Lester admitted he had never seen or heard of before Directing Part II and it shows. It’s obvious from the opening credits that clearly a compelling, serious adventure story was never even considered, its all traded in for cheap, stupid jokes and convoluted sight-gags.
 However, two sequences are worth the price of admission- when Superman fights his evil self in the junk yard and when he battles the evil computer. The rest is poisonous junk aimed to tarnish Superman’s film legacy. At least the story flows, it makes you regret watching it, but at least there are no major plot holes or incoherent performances, unlike Part 4.
 Critics like to say Part 4 is worse, but I disagree, at least 4 has a heart, sure it might have an attack or two, but a heart still unlike this heap that goes into cardiac arrest and never recovers. The film’s worst offense, street signals come to life and begin fighting each other, why?
 Chris Reeve was so disappointed with the final product that he swore, never again would he work with the Salkinds as Superman, and he did not. Part 3 remains the worst of the lot.

The Return of the Swamp Thing (1989) I knew I was in for a deep hurting when the film was promoted as a ‘sci-fi comedy,’ because that is what everyone wanted out of this sequel, right?
Here is yet another instance where the filmmakers just do not understand the character. The sequel to the Wes Craven classic is yet another victim of that word so often written here, CAMP. Forgoing the darker, delicate balance created in the original film, its tepid comedy time with Adrienne Barbeau as Alice Cable sorely missed. Dick Durock, so great in the first film, tries mightily to not look as foolish, although with his voice dubbed by another actor it’s difficult with the insanity around him. Co-star Heather Locklear who plays her role of Abby Arcane, as though she is a bubble-headed cheerleader. All the acting is terrible and campy. Constantly smirking and winking at the camera, there is not once sincere performance to hold on to.
 Craven nailed it, he captured Holland’s pain, made clever use of the Frankstien’s monster motif and told a smart, believable love story. This jokey remake of the first film, with the ludicrous resuscitation of Dr. Arcane, (again played by Louise Jordan looks uncomfortable, quickly sputters out of control, as its obvious Director Jim Wynorski has contempt for the material. The good stuff, the effects are much better, Swamp Thing’s costume looks far more impressive and the monster makeup from Arcane’s creations are excellent.  When the actors start talking, watch out!  The film’s lowest point, Arcane’s girlfriend and a henchman compare and show off scars, (think of the scene in JAWS with Quint and Hooper, only stupid) which feels severely out of place. Ugh.

Batman (1989) one of the most anticipated movies of its time, now plays undercooked and over-produced. A box-office smash, a pop culture phenomenon, yet remains now instantly forgettable.
This overrated origin story was screwed from the giddy up by Director Tim Burton, who does an admirable job of setting the mood and environment, but does little to get inside the character’s psyche, to dissect his glitch. Instead, lame action sequences reveal what a true hack there is at the helm. The acting is mostly good except for the hammy performance from Jack Nicholson as the Joker, a mean-spirited buffoon in clown makeup, who digs listening to Prince, huh? Are we supposed to fear this guy? Michael Keaton’s casting was met with uproar, but his performance quickly won audiences over and acquitted himself nicely. Nicholson embarrasses himself and strays too far from what the character is really about and Kim Basinger makes for a weak Lois Lane clone in Vickie Vale. Not a horrible film compared to the rest of the entries on the list, but vastly overrated and compared to the Nolan interpretations it is worthless.
Filmed entirely on a sound stage, the film is claustrophobic and antiseptic and now plays as a sad and severely dated piece of nostalgia.

Batman Returns (1992) I have always hated this overrated sequel that really has nothing to do with the Batman despite his returning, it is the bad guys stealing the show- again. The films shining moment is Michelle Pieffer as Catwoman; she’s sexy and fun, but again, per Tim Burton, THIS reiteration of Batman and his rogues gallery of heroes and villains is NOT comic book related. Just a riff on the originals and it mostly sucks, not as bad as what follows, but the suck begins here to an irritating degree. Michael Keaton is better this time around, but gets a weak, unresolved subplot with the Batman being framed for murder. Danny Devito does his best as Cobblepot/The Penguin, but instead here he’s a mutated freak that’s suppose to have our sympathies, thanks for that, Timo, and is mostly gross and annoying and the less mentioned about those damn penguins that shoot missiles the better.
Far worse than the Adam West television series by a long shot with its half-baked and forgettable action, if any, this one gets too much praise for nearly nothing of worth.

 Batman Forever (1995)  This was the beginning of the end for the Caped Crusader as the bad guys continued to hog the spotlight, although not nearly as terrible as what followed. Keaton walked, replaced with Val Kilmer, citing a crap script and being upstaged by the baddies. Burton walked, replaced with Director Joel Schumacher, although that’s good, his crimes of humanity begin here as the camp factor is dialed up to distasteful degrees.
 Crammed with too many villains; Tommy Lee Jones is miscast as Harvey, Two-Face, Dent as is Val Kilmer as Bruce Wayne/Batman and Jim Carrey is funnier than he is threatening. Nicole Kidman is wasted in a thankless, dull role as Wayne’s love interest.  Boy wonder Robin makes his debut, but who cares as Chris O’Donnell is stupid as ever. Hideous production design, boring, over-the-top action, chainsaw editing, and ear rape music ruin this third Batman.

Batman & Robin (1997) and here it is- the Granddaddy of them all- the one the will forever be linked to the comic book blockbuster gone awry. It is pedestrian at this point to call it out, who doesn’t hate this piece of crap, but a true list is not complete without it. Director Joel Schumacher went officially mad directing this crap-fest as he later revealed was merely doing the studios bidding when he dialed up the camp and added nipples on the bat suits giving the film a creepy, homoerotic vibe. Dim-witted and plagued with awful acting set against an obnoxious production design and several moments of “What were they thinking,” (for example, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Dr. Freeze), send this one straight down the commode ahead of the rest of the poop.
The worst film on this list simply because it should have known better and had tons of money and what could have been an impressive cast. Alicia Silverstone’s career took a huge slam as Batgirl, which is understandable as she is terrible; she is  related to Alfred instead of Commissioner Gordon….huh?
 George Clooney replaced Kilmer who quarreled with Schumacher, yet impresses no one with his constant grinning and head shaking and Chris O’Donnell is even more irritating than in the previous installment. Uma Thurman is wasted in her role as Poison Ivey. Dumb from start to finish!

Judge Dredd (1995) what should have been a homerun for star Sylvester Stallone was instead reduced to a loud mess ran through the Hollywood cliché mill. Director Danny Cannon never finds the right balance and the film’s winking, almost ironic humor is overpowering set against the way-too-serious acting, which falls flat. Stallone’s insufferable, humorless, self-aware performance brings the story to a screeching halt, as does a horrible sidekick role by Rob Schneider. The only two strong performances throughout are Max Von Sydow and Armand Assante. A remake is scheduled for release in 2012.

 The Green Hornet  (2011)

 Woefully miscast, Seth Rogan feels out of place in this adaptation of the classic radio and television series. Poorly written and acted, this story has never lent itself to be a comedy, yet the filmmaker’s shoe-horn in every dumb joke imaginable making it highly toxic and forgettable as the nonsense plot sputters along and evaporates.

 And now the good ones. Suffering through the bad ones makes it worth it as these often sail far and above their printed origins. In no particular order of greatness…

Superman (1978) The gold standard from which all comic book movies are measured, the first official comic book movie adaption is still the best! Structured as three movies; serious fantasy, moving drama and big budget disaster epic, Director Richard Donner keeps those elements cohesive and entertaining. Gene Hackman’s Lex Luthor is menacing and funny and Margot Kidder’s Lois Lane is sexy, smart-mouthed, and resourceful.
 A wonderful ride from start to finish, the character is honored and imbued with a marvelously human soul thanks to Reeve’s iconic performance. Reeve became a legend for a reason as he never once makes the suit look foolish and does a remarkable job making us believe he and Clark are two seperate characters which allows us to accept why Lois remains clueless as she falls in love with Superman and not Clark. The Penthouse chat is one of the best scenes of foreplay ever put to film. Director Donner too takes great care in treating the character with respect guiding Reeve’s steady performance, along with the rest of the cast, especially the infamous testy and eccentric Brando.  The action is thrilling and allusions and references to Moses, Jesus and the bible are fine to spot. Plenty of great supporting work from Marc McClure as Jimmy Olsen, Jackie Cooper as Perry White and Glenn Ford as Jonathan “Pa” Kent.  John Williams, in the middle of his hot streak, created an indelible, bolstering theme that is still connected to the character to this day. It lives and breathes, still to this day as terrific entertainment!

Superman II (1981) Originally filmed back-to-back, Part II was halted to see if Part I would score at the box-office. Once it did, production resumed and was one of the most troubled in Hollywood despite a switch in Directors, the film is surprisingly coherent; it’s a fun, fast-paced adventure that begins at full-throttle and never looks back. Terrance Stamp becomes an icon with his turn as Krpytonian baddie out for revenge, General Zod, “Kneel before Zod! If you dare!”
 Christopher Reeve still rules as the Man of Steel and gives another stellar performance as he takes the character into darker territory. Margot Kidder as Lois Lane and Gene Hackman as Lex Luthor return in Superman’s last great cinematic adventure of the century. A blast from start to finish, the film honors what came before and makes its own unique impression. Superman’s melee with the three Krpytonian baddies is still an eye-popper and the relationship between Clark and Lois is emotionally draining, complicated and quite touching.
* Richard Donner’s version of Superman II was released in 2006 on DVD, and has some excellent scenes and alternate takes, especially the long lost Brando footage. However, it’s Lester’s version that is still the one to watch as it flows easily and has a better, logical ending.

Swamp Thing (1982) This once popular DC character of the 1970’s was written and directed by Wes Craven. Moving beyond his exploitation background, the horror director gave the film a nice, likable soul as he made clever use of the Frankenstein’s Monster motif.
Ray Wise is Dr. Alec Holland scientist whose experiments are of interest to rival, the evil Dr. Anton Arcane. After his sister is murdered, a splash of his secret formula, a melee with Arcane’s henchmen, Holland is transformed into a green man-plant hybrid possessing Herculean strength and cunning intelligence transmogrified by his own formula into an avenging mutant. (In costume the character is played by Dick Durock.).
 Now the newly christened SWAMP THING, seeks justice and to avenge the murder of his sister and rescue his girlfriend, Alice Cable, from the clutches of Arcane.
 The Swamp Thing is portrayed by the late stuntman turned actor, Dick Durock and just like Christopher Reeve with Superman, brings out the character’s soul and pathos with a wonderfully human, iconic performance that is simply remarkable. Adrienne Barbeau (the ex-Mrs. John Carpenter, The Fog & Escape from New York) stars as Alice Cable, Holland/Swamp’s love interest. She pre-dates Ripley from “Aliens,” as a strong, resourceful female and her chemistry with Durock holds the film together with their beautiful, yet unlikely love story. Praise has been faint on the duo, which is a shame; their connection feels real and is intelligently portrayed. Both actors sell it and really elevate it above where it would normally settle with lesser, capable actors. Their best scene together shows what could have been an absurd moment after having his arm cut off by Arcane’s thugs, Cable asks Swamp “does it hurt,” he replies, “Only when I laugh.” Damn right!
 Louie Jordan as the evil Dr. Anton Arcane spits out his words with an effective, slimy charm.
Craven does an excellent job of connecting the characters to the landscape and we instantly understand why Swampy is so protective of his environment and especially of Cable. The film was shot on the cheap and Durocks’ suit is sometimes unconvincing. The film nearly derails in the last act with Arcane transforming into some strange looking monster in a lame suit that really belongs in a lesser film, but Craven makes up for it with some good action scenes and the actors strong performances from its two leads and a supporting performance by Craven regular, David Hess as Arcane’s go-to thug. The film was a box-office flop, but is one of the very first films that made its money back through the then-new video rental market and constant rotations on pay cable television. …Criminally underrated.

The Dark Knight(2009) whatever doubts of Director Christopher Nolan striking gold twice, were squashed as he nailed down Batman- again. One of the best comic book films and one of the best films of all time finally gives Batman fans what they have longed for. Forget the Tim Burton fetish nightmares and the Joel Schumacher garish trash- this is the true essence of the character, the real Dark Knight. Embracing, but dialing down the comic book elements, Nolan dissected the character unlike any previous incarnations by delving into the psychology, the tragedy, the emotion, and motivation. We see Bruce Wayne’s pain, his ego, his stubbornness, paranoia, self-righteous, his unquenchable thirst for justice. Christian Bale as the Batman plays up those traits and does not always come out looking good. He comes off human, real and not some campy, cartoon character. The Batman would not exist without a villain to fight and he meets his match in the Joker. Played by the late Heath Ledger, it’s a wonderful performance of great skill, quiet malevolence and unhinged lunacy. The character is well known twisted sense of humor is still alive, as he kills indiscriminately and keeps everyone guessing as to how he earned his trademark smile instead of a lame “accident.” Aaron Eckhart is good as DA Harvey Dent, who is transformed into the conflicted “Two-Face.” It’s a performance so good he earned a Best Supporting Oscar, whether that had to do with his untimely death, given to him strictly out of pity and political correctness, who knows, it was a win for genre movies everywhere. As the third film nears, it will be hard to expect anything superior, but one must hope.

The Green Lantern (2011) by the time of its premiere, comic book movie fatigue was settling in, (the fourth of the summer) and the Green Lantern soon suffered the effects. Erroneously maligned and dismissed by critics and some fans, the film remains the best DC adaption since The Dark Knight.
The first and only time the character has attempted a film, is visually stunning. The effects propel the story to incredible heights, the Lanterns training planet of Oa and the Guardians themselves. Director Martin Campbell makes Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan into a fun, likable hero and Blake Lively is solid as his lovely love interest. An interesting back-story and a formidable villain in the form of Parallax gives the film plenty of depth and history. All of Lantern’s supporting players are here; Hector Hammond, (Peter Sarsgaard) Sinestro, (Mark Strong) Kilawog, (Michael Clark Duncan) and Abin Sur, (Teamura Morrison) and the actors make their impressions.
 Reasons still unknown, this film was thrown to the critical wolves and has a reputation for being terrible and big bomb, which is just not true. It did not turn a profit to the studios expectations, yes, but a sequel is expected and in early stages of pre-production.
 Let the crybaby critics have their bottles; it is a wonderfully made film; a fun, engaging story that has all the elements of a true superhero story. Too many scenes on Earth make the viewer anxious, but it in no way hurts the film. Ryan Reynolds is good although he is still Ryan Reynolds and that sometimes gets in the way of his perfomance. Still he’s charming, sarcastic, reluctant, but sympathetic and a very capable hero. This film would make a great companion piece to DC’s animated, also excellent, Green Lantern: First Flight & Emerald Knights.

Superman Returns (2006) Much like The Green Lantern, the Man of Steel’s return after a 19 year hiatus was met with mostly mild reception. Some strong reviews from reputable sources, but negative digs from everywhere else that left the fanbase split.
An unfortunate fate as the film accomplished its goal; to make Superman relevant for the 21st century.
Director Bryan Singer revitalized Marvel studios and brought the comic book renaissance to where it is today with his first two X-Men entries beginning in 2000. Although his love of Richard Donnor’s first film is quite evident, repeating several narrative beats with Luthor’s real estate scam and the Earthquake; the film washes off the stink of the two previous sequels, III and IV and gives Superman back his dignity.With a almost pretentious reverance, (in a good way) Singer makes Superman into the planet’s savior and makes his journey and important one.  Brandon Routh is the first new Superman in over a generation and makes the part his own. He never does an impersonation of Reeves but he does have a similar sense of humor and the way he delivers a line or two. His romance with Lois is dullsville as Kate Bosworth as Lois is miscast, (looking too young) this time out, but his rescue of an injured airplane is the film’s most exciting moment. Impressive visuals bring Singer’s love of the character to new heights as he plays up the Jesus/religious angle, especially when Superman is floating above Earth listening to the people of the world cry out for help and he strikes a crucifixion pose descending back to the surface. Sam Huntington makes a great Jimmy Olsen, eager and still naïve, while Frank Langella is good, but surprisingly low-key as Daily Planet Chief Editor Perry White. John Williams was asked to come back and score the flick, but said he could not due to his close friendship with Christopher Reeve, stating simply, “it was too painful.” Instead, his iconic score is reworked by composer Jon Ottman and sounds great with a few new added themes. Kevin Spacey as Luthor is effective and is wise not to ape Hackman, but the Plutocrat shtick is officially tired. Let us hope in future incarnations, Lex has other way to cause trouble than to steal real estate or cause natural disasters. Flawed and a bit flabby in its final act, the film is still a worthwhile entry. A Warner Bros executive was quoted as saying if the film passed the $200 million mark domestically, they’d make a sequel, it did, but no sequel. Fast forward to 2013 as “Superman, Man of Steel” will debut with an all new cast, new Superman and new director, let’s hope!

Conan the Barbarian (1982)  Despite Arnold Schwarzenegger’s iconic, yet completely inaccurate performance as Robert E. Howard’s creation; Conan is one of the best sword and the sandal fantasy entries of all time. Director John Milius injects the film with bold, bigger-than-life pretense of a period drama, yet the imagination of an exploitative B movie that celebrates the characters pulp, comic book origins. Violence, nudity and big emotions decorate this unique vision. Arnold’s star-making performance is also his best, his must fully realized. Chemistry with co-star Sandal Bergman sparks and good, memorable dialogue is provided by Milius and co-writer Oliver Stone. Basil Poledoris made an impressive stamp with his boisterous, pounding score. One sub-par sequel followed. Avoid the deadly dull 2011 remake at all costs.

Batman Begins (2005) was the beginning of the second renaissance of the comic book movie wave ushered in an era of darker genre films. Asking us to forget the Burton/Schumacher trash heaps, Batman was finally done right in this superb origin story. Christian Bale as Bruce Wayne/Batman and Michael Cain as Alfred make an interesting duo as we finally see how their relationship works. I still contend that Bale is mostly a terrible actor, but under the right Director, his hammy-ness can be reined it, such as the case here where he is excellent.
Director Chris Nolan jettisons the lame comedy and stupid, ugly production designs for real world look., Gotham City is actually Chicago and the surrounding area.
The Batsuit is simple, inherently absurd still, of course, but believable and serious. Nolan gets to the root of the character unlike any incarnation before and it is fascinating. The film’s high point, the police chase with the Batmobile

Robocop (1987) what, you say? Not a typical nor traditional comic book character for sure, as he has no ties to Marvel or DC or any known comic strip, but his origin story and his ascension to hero follow the same narrative beats and often surpass characters with an established following.
Directed by Paul Verhoven, this loud, funny, violent, clever sci-fi mish mash set in the future of “New Detroit,” uses satire to skewer the milieu of the 1980’s; playing up the out of control crime and the built in fears therein and especially the over-the-top consumerism now identified with the era. Peter Weller stars as the murdered cop turned into the new face of crime, Robocop; half man, mostly machine. It is the familiar Frankenstein story with an urban thriller, sci-fi twist that has fun with the premise and gives life to an iconic hero.
Nancy Allen co-stars with Ray Wise, Kurtwood Smith, Miquel Ferer and Ronny Cox are great in their villainous roles. Smith has the funniest line, “Bitches leave!” Hysterical for all the right reasons, the film remains an unlikely source of inspiration and social commentary.

Thor (2011) Marvel’s Norse God Thor is not very good during its Earth bound moments, with its slowpoke pace and fuzzy motivations, but when it hits its celestial stride in Asgard, it sails!
Directed by Kenneth Brannagh, who steers his cast to steady performances, Chris Hemsworth as Thor is perfectly cast and Anthony Hopkins as his irksome father, Odin, loads the film with a Shakespearian pretense and authority that gives the off world sequences some much needed depth and heart. Natalie Portman, Stellan Skarsgaard, Rene Russo offer solid support, and Tim Huddleston as Thor’s brother Loki makes an impressive baddie. Fun and faithful to the comics, it is one of Marvel’s best adaptations yet, far better than “Iron Man.”
Hemsworth is resoundingly excellent and refuses to make Thor into a dumb beefcake, but a three-dimensional person; heroic, noble and funny. The narrative is not saddled with the now cliché origin movie set-up. It drops Thor right in the middle of things and for part of the movie; it is a ‘fish-out-of-water story. Granted, this is the film’s weakest area, but the actors have fun with it and really nail it when it goes to back to Asgard. Thor’s next appearance is in 2012’s The Avengers.

The Rocketeer (1991) Created in 1982 by comic book writer, Dave Stevens, Disney’s massively underrated love letter to those serials of the 1930’s & 40’s was a box-office bust upon release. Too bad considering it is a wonderful heartfelt, affectionate tribute to those schlocky, corny serials full of high emotion and even higher adventure; replete with stilted dialogue and one-note characters.
Picking up where Indiana Jones left off, Cliff Secord strapped with a jet pack becomes an unlikely hero. Billy Campbell plays Secord with just the right amount of ah shucks charm and strength. Jennifer Connelly plays his best girl and former Bond, Timothy Dalton spits and spews twirling his mustache and looking very dapper as an Errol Flynn clone and secret Nazi, making a far more enjoyable villain than a 007.
Alan Arkin, Paul Sorvino and Terry O’Quinn offer solid support Directed by Joe Johnston, (Captain America). What could and should have been the obvious successor to Indiana Jones was stopped in its tracks due to low box-office. The movie has developed a cult following with rumors that a long awaited sequel is in the works.

Unbreakable (2000) Based not on an established character, but the same narrative beats, the psychological dimensions and real world implications of what it means to be a superhero in the real world. Set in Philadelphia, Security Guard David Dunn (Bruce Willis) realizes after a near fatal train wreck that leaves him the sole survivor, that he has a gift. With the help of his son, Dunn goes through the motions of discovering his powers, and his weakness, water and begins to fashion a Superhero persona.
Writer/Director M Night Shyamalan’s best movie to date is a wonderful examination of what pressures a real world superhero might experience. Flawlessly acted and brilliantly shot; with each scene or scenes structured like a comic book panel.
Bruce Willis’s subtle, affecting performance is his best ever. Samuel L. Jackson is equally good as Dunn’s antagonist, “Mr. Glass,” who believes if Dunn is a hero, then he is destined to be the villain. Suspenseful and fascinating, Shyamalan brings emotional realism and compelling drama to the mythological conceit.

Kick-Ass (2010) with the superhero surplus at its peak and threatening to get even bigger, comic book fans were given this audacious alternative; a violent, sarcastic, and funny satire on the world of comic books and those that worship them.
Directed by Mathew Vaughn, this stylish spin on one kid’s, (Aaron Johnson) dream of becoming a superhero, one he names KICK ASS. Donning a costume he made himself, he goes out into the world and proceeds to have his ass kicked by the various baddies he encounters, hence the title. Johnson is hilarious as the sad-sad schmuck, who is wrong about nearly everything. A big dummy who manages to save the day thanks to back up from Hit Girl an 11y/o vigilante (Chloe Moretz) & Big Daddy (Nic Cage) a former cop with justice of his own to serve. Moretz as Hit Girl is the stand out performance, at just 11 y/o she caused quite a stir with her filthy language, surrounded by mayhem and violence, yet her multiple murders in the film were hardly mentioned. It’s a clever performance as she kills and maims like a freak, but remains totally naive and adorable.
Per usual the critics are wrong as the violence is too fantastical, too over-the-top to be taken in any serious manner. Hit Girl is a comment on the current obsession the culture has with kids, political correctness, violence, and safety. Her character exists for slamming political correctness, as she defies labels and expectations. She is sweet, cute, strong and loves to swear, but when the time comes, she’s a killing machine, yet at the end of the day, she loves her Big Daddy. Cage gives one of his best performances in years as the girls father, channeling Adam West when he’s in costume.
A sequel is excepted.

 X-Men 2 (2002) after the unexpected success of the first film, it was a no-brainer to make a sequel. Done differently however was the production schedule; far more time was given to the scripting and the shooting as this one never felt rushed or the victim of slashed budgets. The Empire Strikes Back” of the franchise, this is one too surpasses the original in every way.
Director Bryan Singer returns and shows his confidence and authority as he makes the universe his own and gives the X-men a meaty story, and characters room to breathe. The cast would return in the very disappointing X-Men: Last Stand where nearly everyone was killed off.

X-Men: First Class (2011) A return to excellent form after the lackluster X3 and Wolverine. Audacious and packed with youthful awareness, the fun and vigor blasts you like one of Havoc’s plasma bolts. Set in 1962, we meet a young Charles Xavier almost of out school meeting an also young Eric Lensherr/Magneto. This wonderful prequel story takes us places not yet seen; a superhero film set in the 1960’s has a wonderful James Bond vibe to it.
The first generations of X-Men are introduced as are the foundlings for the mutant revolution soon to be lead by Magneto. Stylishly Directed, Matthew Vaughn was originally set to direct X3 but objected to the short pre-production time, a move he later regretted. No regrets here as he lets loose his inner-geek and lets the film explode with mutant goodness. The story is packed to the gills, sometimes over-stuffed, but Vaughn and company use economy in their storytelling in the most efficient ways. The film is briskly paced and well acted; the two standouts are Michael Fassbender as Eric/Magneto, who burns up the screen with his Nazi-killings and James McAvoy as Xavier. A sequel is expected.

Batman: Mask of the Phantasm (1992) This stylish and severly over-looked animated movie trumps the Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher garbage in every way! Far more faithful than any previous incarnation up that point, this excellent brooding, film noir captures everything perfectly about Batman and Bruce Wayne. A box-office flop due to Warner Bros lack of marketing, but eventually was a hit on the video market.

 Flash Gordon (1980)  Over-the-top, campy, trashy and flamboyant are not qualities I usually champion in my superhero flicks, but for some reason, it works here perfectly. Based on the famous Alex Raymond comic strip hero, Flash has been adapted into every medium since his debut in 1934, but this is so far is the most memorable. In the early 70’s George Lucas tried to make his version of the Flash, but could not secure the rights as they were already bought by famed Italian producer Dino DeLaurentis. Funded with a healthy budget, the film looks intentionally cheap and clunky, mimicking the comic strips and old movie serials of yore. Perhaps in an attempt to ape George Lucas’s success with Star Wars, a series that was wildly and obviously inspired by Flash Gordon and Dune, Delarentis tries to capture that same goofy spirit, the absurd costumes and impractical machinery.  Despite its campy trappings, the actors have fun with the familiar roles. Sam Jones as Flash Gordon brings a simple, all American square-jawed simplicity to the role of Earth’s savior. Melody Anderson as Dale Arden is good as the typical damsel in distress without being too screechy and inept. In what appeared to be an effort to bring some much needed creditability to the whole thing, international actors, Topol (Fiddler on the Roof) as Hans Zarkoff and Max Von Sydow (The Exorcist, The Seventh Seal) as Ming the Merciless, were cast and both chew their scenes with great delight, especially Sydow. The film’s standout however is the rock score by the group Queen, a rousing, blustering score that pushes the film into genre classic. All served with a smile and a wink so it goes down easy and we all have a great time!

Watchmen (2009)
Deemed ‘unfilmable’ by a studio executive, this critically acclaimed graphic novel from 1985 by Alan Moore, languished in development hell for decades, finally getting released under Director Zack Synder. The seminal novel changed the reputation of the how comic books were perceived and marketed. Originally set up as a deconstruction of DC’s most popular characters, Batman and Superman specifically; had the story moved forward it would have left those characters unusable for future use. Original characters were created as the story follows an alternate historical timeline; President Richard Nixon is still in power in 1985. After a victorious win in Vietnam with the assistance of several known superheroes, he became President for life. Superheroes have been around since the late 1930’s and an integral part of society. After the murder of one their own and a Government law banning all costumed heores, the superheroes, band together, Nite Owl, Dr. Manhattan, Silk Spectre to solve the murder of one of their own leading to the discovery of something far more sinister.
 A fascinating, sometimes dark dissection of society’s need for heroes and their need to live real lives resonates as Director Zack Snyder owns the material, never a misstep, this smart adaptation keeps things moving and gets great performances from his cast, the stand out being Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach, the Batman-like character that share many of the same personality traits, driven, vengeance-fueled vigilante. Bold to say the least, this R-rated epic never backs down and isn’t always a pleasant experience, but it is a visceral and important one.

The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen (2003) the film takes a lot of guff, but I liked it, had fun with its B-movie sensibility and didn’t really care that it sent Sean Connery into retirement. Based on Alan Moore & Kevin O’Neal’s comic of the same name, five of the most unlikley Victorian era heroes are assembled to slam evil, led by Alan Quartermain, (Connery), Naseeruddin Shah as Captain Nemo, Peta Wilson as Mina Harker, Tony Curran as Rodney Skinner, Stuart Townsend as Dorian Gray, Shane West as Tom Sawyer, Jason Flemyng as Dr. Henry Jekyll / Edward Hyde, Richard Roxburgh as The Fantom / “M” / Professor James Moria. Of course purists will cry foil, but the film has fun with the premise. A box office hit, the film took a critical beating. Connery quarrelled with Director Steven Norrington and told Hollywood to F-off, prompting his retirement from acting.

Blade (1998) the very first film of the current comic book movie renaissance, was spawned from the pages of the defunct 1970’s The Tomb of Dracula, as a supporting character. Wesley Snipes stars as the human vampire killer who became obsessed with eradicating all Vampires, as he himself was half, due to his mother being bitten right before his birth. The update for the 90’s, captured the urban Goth neo-thriller vibe perfectly giving the film a gritty, savvy mood. Directed by Stephan Norrington and written by David Goyer, the film is stylish and sometimes clever, as Snipes inhabits this character unlike any performance of his career. He is not always a likable hero, sometimes he borders on obsession, but he is compelling and the film works wonderfully because of it. Stephan Dorf makes a great villain as the nasty Vampire leader Deacon Frost. Two more sequels followed, an upcoming fourth is rumored. 

Dawn of the Dead

1978

“When There’s No Room in Hell. The Dead Shall Walk the Earth.” 

Director George R. Romero is not the first filmmaker to use zombies to tell his stories, but he is the best. Released in the middle of the horrible Jimmy Carter years, the movie is a metaphor for mindless consumerism. A sort-of sequel to “Night of the Living Dead,” a worldwide pandemic has humans rising from the dead feasting on the living causing utter chaos as the survivors struggle to find refuge. Three of the central characters find it in the Monroeville Mall.
This film and its sequels are only as good as the target they are aiming at. The best of the series, Dawn is sly and gory; Romero claims the sharp social commentary was meant to be subtle, but it is bigger than life and hard not to see where the satire lies. As the zombies amass in the shopping mall and the surviving characters, Ken Foree, the no-nonsense surviving human, comments on how pathetic they look, “it’s all they know.”
A true artist at work as Romero skewers everything in site; the zombies are played somewhat sympathetic as the humans acting stupid and panicking screw up everything they touch.
Innovative special effects by the legendary Tom Savini, creates fake blood with a strangely appealing orange hue that plays up the movies comic book sensibilities, but is subdued in the DVD releases.
Despite the off colored blood, the gory effects still pack a primeval punch and will gross you out when you least expect it. This is not for the weak-minded or causal horror fan.
A box-office smash and critically acclaimed, Dawn is crudely witty and insightful, and it’s postmodern critique of American culture remains as timely as ever.

Brides of Dracula

1961
Oh how I love me some Hammer horror, the prim and proper Victorian British trying to dispatch vampires, Frankenstein’s monster and whatever evil cropped up. Released during Hammer Films golden era, this film became the quality template to which all others were compared. Sadly, most never came close to this films greatness.
Peter Cushing returns in his signature role as Dr. Van Helsing to rid a village of evil vamps. Excellent music, terrific atmosphere from long time Hammer Director Terence Fisher and screenwriter Jimmy Sangster makes this a great study for anyone getting remake ideas in their head!

The Omen

1976

Director Richard Donner said he was not interested in doing a horror film, but a mystery/suspense thriller. Semantics aside, the film works brilliantly and is the very best of the post- Exorcist Satan-themed flicks.
Gregory Peck,(originally offered to Kirk Douglas) a long way from defending Boo Radley, plays Robert Thorn, a US Ambassador to England who has tried for years to give his wife a child. When they finally do, his wife Kathy Thorn (the terrific Lee Remick) gives birth to a stillborn baby. Thorn shields her from the devastating truth and replaces an orphaned infant for their dead child. The horror begins on Damien’s fifth birthday when his nanny stages a dramatic suicide at his birthday party and jumps out a third story window proclaiming, “Look Damien! It’s all for you!” Soon after, a priest who tries to warn Damien’s father is killed in a freakish accident. As the death toll mounts, Robert realizes his son is the Antichrist and decides he must kill the boy to prevent him from fulfilling a cataclysmic prophecy. The biblical stuff is all BS from the movie’s POV, but the actors pull it off with great conviction and terror.
Sounds rather contrived and preposterous on paper, but thanks to air-tight editing, swift direction, truthful performances from the actors and a highly memorable score from Jerry Goldsmith makes you look at that creepy little kid from down the street in a totally differently light. The creepy babysitter offing herself, (“Damien, it’s all for you!”) in the film’s early moments still freaks me out. Two decent sequels followed, the last, “Omen III” is the best of the series with Sam Neil playing an adult Damien as a serious contender to be President of the US.

Psycho

1960

“We all go a little mad sometimes.” 

The Granddaddy of them all, Director Alfred Hitchcock changed the face of horror forever in his low-budget masterpiece that is considered the first slasher film. Tame by today’s standards, but still effective and the premise shocked moviegoers of the day with its frank depiction of violence and sexuality. Not even toilets were shown in movies in those days, yet audiences accepted all of Hitch’s taboos and allowed him to play them like a fiddle. In lesser hands, the film would have been cheap, exploitative sleaze or campy trash. Hitch, knew what he could and could not get away with and used the restrictions of the day to his advantage. Clever editing, lighting and solid restrained performances turned a picture no studio wanted to finance into a classic.
The movie is remarkable in that it not only subverts most of Hitchcock’s favorite themes and plots of the day, especially romance as its quite bleak; its basically one ironic joke of everything he was known for. One of the first to explicitly play with audiences expectations by introducing characters played by big name stars and killing them off in the first reel. Anthony Perkins as Norman Bates was typecast for the rest of career as an unctuous, nervous pervert and Janet Leigh as victim Marion Crane never achieved higher fame past her death scene in the shower, which has now become an iconic horror moment. Composer Bernard Herman’s shrill score still sends chills down the spine when heard. Revered today, its influence is still felt, John Carpenter’s 1978 classic Halloween being one of the most obvious progeny that starred Janet Leigh’s daughter Jamie Lee Curtis.

Bride of Frankenstein

1935

Hailed as the first, best sequel, this acclaimed continuation of the tortured monster still tops the best of lists seventy plus years later.
Boris Karloff returns as the monster who now seeks a mate of his own. The overly ambitious Dr. Frankenstein heeds the call and creates an ill-fated bride for the creature. Directed by James Whales, the film is loaded with a great sense of humor, as well as brimming with vitality and sadness as Karloff taps into the creature’s pathos. From one iconic shot to the next, the film never lets up as the monster is heaped with rejection and fear. Although fitting, it works more as a tragedy than a classy horror film, as the monster is rejected by the very one created just for him. Elsa Lanchester gives a memorable, if short screen-time performance as the reluctant Bride. All of it topped off with a magnificent and haunting score. A real crime is that Karloff was never recognized by the Academy for his superior work as the tortured monster, which goes beyond a guy in make-up and gives a performance full of sadness, humor, and compassion.

Halloween

1978

“I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes… the *devil’s* eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy’s eyes was purely and simply… *evil*.” 

The Elvis Presley of slasher films; it did not invent the genre, but it did give it a face and turn it into a star, the go-to, that is still imitated to this very day. Ignore Rob Zombie’s whorish and pathetic attempt at…not sure what he was trying to do. He failed miserably, no one cared for the remake and here we are at the beginning with the original.
Director John Carpenter’s cheap, suspenseful B movie is a marvel of simplicity, stylish direction, creepy music, and restrained sensibilities created a horror classic.
In 1963, 6 year-old Michael Myers stabs his older sister Judith to death. He is sentenced to a mental hospital upstate and 15 years later, 1978, he escapes to Haddonfield and starts all over again with Dr. Sam Loomis, (Donald Pleasance) hot on his trail determined to stop him.
An ironic answer to the times when most horror films were going gore crazy, The Exorcist, Dawn of the Dead, even The Omen, (save one, Texas Chainsaw Massacre has practically zero blood) Carpenter dialed it down, the kills are never flashy, but realistic and chilling.
We never see the killers face, except in shadows and never once does he utter a word. He merely stands, cocks his head, and slowly walks, one of the finest and scariest distillations of pure evil.
Unlike Jason, (and the Halloween sequels) he never kills for the sake of killing, only those who he sees stand in his way.
John Carpenter’s first foray into horror was his biggest success. His first best work is on display here as he makes use of those glorious wide shots. Hardly ever cutting, he lets the camera act as voyeur; Michael Myers too, standing in the background watching, studying his victims ratcheting up the tension.
The Carp nails small town, Middle America with the fictional Haddonfield, Illinois, (even though it was shot in Pasadena California) milieu and the sense of dread we feel is creeping up on these group of likeable kids. Among the group is the lovely Jamie Lee Curtis, in her film debut. It is no wonder she became a star as her natural beauty is hard to resist and her lungs anoint her “Scream Queen.”
Pleasance is the film’s pivotal performance; he explains everything and scares the crap out of us defining what evil really is. He comes off crazy, but we soon learn why as he explains, “I spent seven years trying to reach him and another eight trying to keep him locked up…He has the darkest eyes…the Devil’s eyes.” By Loomis screaming and ranting about the evil Myers, we have no choice but to go along and fear for the rest. It is a clever performance, sort of a twisted Van Helsing.
Originally offered to Christopher Lee, (he would later regret turning the role down) Pleasance plays Loomis with a slow burn of obsession and slight regret. Myers is his Moby Dick.
A great ending in its day, (that great montage shots saying evil never really dies) producers and studios saw only dollar signs as they made one sequel after another. Halloween II being an acceptable closer and Part III that tried something very different. Part 4 onward is crap. In 30 more years this one will still be talked about and studied. The remakes, sequels and rip-offs will be forgotten and no one will remember Rob….what’s-his-name?

Alien

1979

On what should have been a simple trip back to Earth, the Nostromo, a mining freighter, is automatically re-routed to a desolate planet in response to a mysterious SOS.
After the crew is awakened, they investigate the source of the SOS, and discover a derelict alien ship on the planet. One of the crewmembers is put into a coma by an alien creature while investigating the ship. However, the small ordeal was only a prelude for greater things to come…
The first Art house Horror film, Director Ridley Scott seamlessly brings the two genres into one creating the perfect example of mood. The film sets a deliberate pace that eases the viewer in the mire of things. We get to know these people, some we will like, others we will cheer their demise, but we will sympathize with them all once the carnage begins. Jerry Goldsmith delivers another suggestive score as it immediately sets the tone- dark and oppressive.
The production design is equally impressive. The set is not just one photogenic prop, but practical, working gizmos that give off a realistic feel. Even though the film was shot thirty years ago, it never once comes off dated, (except for the green monitors). The costumes eschew anything that may give off a goofy sci-fi feel. Realism is the key, as Scott wants us to be immersed in this world, so he can slowly and deliberately rip it apart.
Sharing a trait with JAWS, Scott too decided that seeing the monster all the time would be a big mistake. Instead, we get flashes; a head shot here, some hands over there, leading to a very effective, creepy atmosphere. The tension is raised by the characters, squabbling especially Lambert, hyping up the creature’s malevolence and how they must kill it. Sure, he rolls out the required horror clichés, loud, sudden noises, a cat jumping out all of a sudden, fleeting shadows, but we never notice since they work brilliantly.
Acting by all the cast is outstanding. Sigourney Weaver, in star making role, has a lasting presence; not just a damsel in distress, her Ellen Ripley is resourceful, fully capable and subverts all male/female dynamics and expectations. She gets great support from Tom Skerrit as Captain Corbin Dallas, Veroncia Cartwright as Lambert, the most strident of them all, but actually, she is us- reacting to the horror around her in the most honest, humane fashion. Her character suffers the worst fate as the creature, in a very subtle, restrained scene, rapes her then kills her off screen. John Hurt as Kane, in his brief, role as carrier of the alien bug in his chest that sent many movie goers running to the exit. Ian Holm as the mysterious Ash who will make you look at milk in a completely different way. Yaphet Kotto and Harry Dean Stanton are Scott’s equivalent of space truckers and even in the distant future they are as gross and greasy as ever and give the film its few moments of welcomed humor.
Alien created many iconic horror moments; the infamous chest-bursting scene, a marvelous shock that is evidenced by the look on the actor’s faces for they are sincere in their reactions as they were unaware of the blood squirting out.
A genre trendsetter, Alien was a surprise hit in the summer of 79. FOX, touting the science-fiction element in an attempt to capitalize on the box-office thunderclap created by “Star Wars,” were taken aback by the films horror elements. Despite it’s sci-fi trappings, the film is a horror film first, take away the space ship and replace it with just about anything else and its just as effective. Scott always professed a soft spot for his first big film, so much so he is returning to the same universe with a prequel of sorts titled, “Prometheus,” for summer 2012.
In an amusing trivial note, the film had a considerable amount of merchandise advertised upon release. Most notably the Alien itself, a ghastly creature that could crush its victims head with a flick of its teeth, all of this was printed on the side of the toys box. Subsequently, the marketing department and those responsible were fired for selling toys to kids for a movie they were unable to see.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

1974

Growing up, I had always heard how terrible, in a depraved sense, this film was by my parents who caught it one night on a double feature at the local Drive-in. I had apparently feel asleep and not one to skip a movie, they stayed, at least for the first 30 minutes. My mom never went beyond describing the premise, “some crazy sucker chases this girl through the woods with chainsaw,” is the extent of her discussions and she would get this disgusted look on her face and change the subject. Same goes for my Dad. From the giddy up, this was on my radar and was one of the few movies they refused to let me rent on video. Neither parents were into horror movies of any kind so I knew at a young age, this was going to be a trip once I was able to track it down. I finally did, I was NOT disappointed. I made the mistake of watching it alone one Saturday night, the entire house to myself.

This horror masterpiece directed by Tobe Hooper is a low-budget gritty little number that grabbed hold of me like a scared date or frightened child as it slowly built to an unnerving and unflinching last act that was damn near impossible to watch alone, but I’m glad I did.

A gritty, greasy, grimy, dirty slimy insane trip into humanities heart of darkness that revolutionized low-budget horror filmmaking as well as giving birth to its own sub- genre; the maniac on the loose.
The film begins as a Hansel & Gretel story set in the Texas backwoods. On a blistering hot summer afternoon in 1973, five young friends, Sally, her brother Franklin, Kirk, Pam and Jerry, set out to check on family graves after hearing news reports on grave robbing. They stop at an old family locale to reminisce when they suddenly find themselves in the clutches of the murderous Leatherface and the rest of the crazed cannibal Sawyer clan. A relentless, sparse, excursion into the things we only read or hear about through hushed tones and those fascinated with the macabre. Hopper’s statement of A testament to its genius is its misinformed reputation of being extremely gory, which is just not true. The filmmakers originally suggested the film be rated PG with its lack of blood, but the MPAA felt the title alone was too grisly for those under 17 so they slapped it with an R. Director Tobe Hooper shows the world he is a mad genius with an impressive debut, which sadly never surpassed Chainsaw. His work is neither flashy nor pretentious, but the cinema verte’ style feel lends a certain authority to it all, as if this shit is real. A look so convincing that to this day many still feel the events were true, which of course they were not. Although they were based on the exploits of Ed Gein, a Wisconsin farmer who was imprisoned in 1957 for murder, robbing graves and dressing up in women’s skins and making belts out of their nipples. Hooper got the idea for the movie after hearing relatives who lived in the Gein area relate tales of a ghoulish old coot playing with dead people. If you notice, the opening narration by actor John Laroquette, says the following events occurred in the summer of 1973, the same time when the film was shot.
Filmed on a meager $100,000, the films cheapness lend to its snuff-film vibe. The charnel house atmosphere lets us know that death is happening soon to these characters. There are no quick cuts or creative editing, just Hooper and his camera acting like some detached observer recording things only seen in nightmares. As horrific a picture Hooper paints, he refrains from going too far. Even though the “hook scene” is one of the most uncomfortable moments ever put to film, it lacks no money shot; no blood is visible and we never see the hook enter the woman’s back, but we see her react which is plenty. Clever direction by Hooper and convincing performances by the actors, especially Gunnar Hansen as Leatherface make us squirm while our imaginations give us a good ole’ fashion creep out. Where our imaginations leave off, Marilyn Burn’s bravura performance as Sally Hardesty fills in the blanks. The best Scream Queen performance to date, suffered almost as much as her character by busting both knees, enduring unbearable heat inside the maniacs farmhouse, becoming nauseated by the smell of rotting animal carcasses that filled the sets, chased and poked in the face with branches along with countless scrapes, cuts and bruises. The entire last act is unprecedented as Burns constantly screams and runs at full pitch putting the viewer on edge… The films intensity and appetite for terror is still amazing. It was banned in Ireland, Chile, and Sweden and on three separate occasions in Great Britain because of its raw, unyielding power, which just added to its appeal. It is only recently that it has been allowed in the British video stores.
The rest of the cast is excellent with their natural and unassuming performances. The lone exception is Paul Partaine as Sally’s crippled brother, Franklin, is a whiny self-pitying ass who is usually met with cheers from the audience upon his demise. His method acting alienated Hooper and the rest of the crew. Edwin Neal as the Hitchhiker never fails to give me the creeps. Of course, Gunnar Hansen became a cult star and still stirs up fans today with his appearances at conventions with his horror icon performance that has yet to be surpassed. It would have been so easy to make the character straight evil and a lesser actor would have done exactly that, but Leatherface gets pathos. Not one word is ever spoken, but body language and squeals of delight or angry come through.
The most influential horror film of the 70’s is for anyone appreciative of quality, smart, gonzo horror. It is not made for everyone, as its no bullshit approach is jarring and something of a bygone era. Inferior sequels and a lame-ass remake have diluted its creditability and legacy somewhat, but it still remains the granddaddy of them all is a true classic in the every sense of the word. An anticipated sequel is expected in October 2012 taking place immedietly after the events in this film.

The Mist

2007

The third time is still the charm as Writer/Director Frank Darabont goes to the Stephen King well and creates a minor classic with unexpected power.
A stellar cast led by Thomas Jane, Marcia Gay-Harden, Frances Sternhagen and Andre Bauher as members of the small town of Bridgton, Maine, who after a severe thunderstorm that causes the power to go out the night before meet in a supermarket to pick up supplies. While they struggle to survive an unnatural mist which envelops the town and conceals vicious, otherworldly monsters, extreme tensions rise among the survivors as their worst fears come alive.
A simple plot McGuffin sets things in motion as Darabont dissects and examines the human condition when put into extreme circumstances. Two extremes on both sides; one is religious the other practical and weak, neither cannot seem to arrive at a logical plan of action. They fight, they scheme, the plot each other’s demise. The performances are intense and the tension is nearly unbearable, but Darabont’s snappy dialogue, most of it kept from King’s story, is lean and mean and keeps the pace up. Just enough gore to keep the viewers interested, this is a true horror film that shows the real bad guy is not the monsters outside, but the lack of communication and understanding we have each other as a society. The extremes we sometimes go to prove a point or just to be heard.
It’s a no nonsense and effective story that could have rested on that alone, yet packs one of the best, darkest, powerful endings in recent memory, a true ball-buster.

Poltergeist

1982

“Theyyy’reee heeeere.” 

1982 will always be regarded as the single best year of genre releases, ever, released in June two weeks before “E.T.-The Extra Terrestrial” and three weeks before “The Thing,” this brilliantly creepy haunted house collaboration between Steven Spielberg and Tobe Hooper turned suburbia upside down as one of the scariest and best films of its time.

Life in the California suburb of the Cuesta Verde is quiet for the Freeling family, headed by typical American couple JoBeth Williams as Diane the do-gooder housewife, Craig T. Nelson as Steven the hardworking clueless father, both pot-smoking former hippies, now making it as yuppies. The three kids, eldest, sixteen-year-old daughter Dana (Dominique Dunne), and the younger two eight-year-old son Robbie (Oliver Robins), 6-year-old as Carol Anne (Heather ‘O Rourke). Likeable, hardworking, they appear to have achieved the American dream when early one morning, the pronouncement of “They’re here,” by daughter Carol Anne, sets things in motion. At first the family takes it all in stride, they don’t panic; objects moving by themselves, lights flicker, kids being pulled across the kitchen floor for no apparent reason- until one night when ghost/demon/Indian spirit abducts Carol Anne into some vague ethereal plane. The family does everything to get her back, via scientists and mediums alike.
The film works because the family is so ordinary, relatable. When their world begins to crumble with so much absurdity, we buy it. This effectiveness lies in the truth of the situation, as great pains were taken to make the family appear real and likeable as they make a good life for themselves in the suburban housing track called Cuesta Verde Estates where the only difference in the houses is their address.
One might expect this to set up as part of the drama, or even a critique or satire of suburbia or family dynamics, but no, writer Spielberg merely lays it out there as foundation for the bad stuff to rest. No one cares about the family drama, we like them, that’s enough to sympathize when their world is ripped apart.
For years rumors circulated over who actually directed the picture, Spielberg’s touches are certainly visible throughout. The stuff with the family, themes touched on in his previous films, “E.T.,” and “Close Encounters,” all bear his mark and its hard to imagine Hooper would come up with any of the this considering his resume and post-Poltergeist output.
Some have criticized the film for these elements, calling them syrupy, sappy, etc… but they are dead wrong as this gives the film heart. If the Freelings were a pack of dysfunctional scumbags constantly quarrelling packed to the gills with drama, we would not give one squirt what happened to them so to call that a flaw is missing the films point. Besides, they are a romanticized, idolized version of what a typical American family is or at least how Spielberg seems it or saw it at the time.
Besides dreams of the family unit, he taps into the nightmares of children; dark closets grow monsters, the unknown behind the door, and especially the spooky killer Clown doll and that scary looking tree outside the younger kid’s window. The film is moody and slick, thanks to Hooper, whose contribution over the years has been debated, but it must be recognized. His touches add a bit of the macabre as when Ma Freeling is stuck in the swimming pool with the skeletons that were real, (shipped over from India). The maggoty piece of fried chicken and the guy ripping his face off, were all Hooper ideas/touches. No matter who was at the helm, technically, the film is flawless, pre computers, it rivals anything released today, namely the sequence where Carol Anne disappears into the closet.
Relatively cheap at the time, the film looks like a big budget FX at its disposal. A true assault on the senses, as it dredges up images that are equal parts horrifying and beautiful.
No matter how much was spent, the razzle, dazzle is apparent and tells a fantastic, compelling story peppered with excellent performances from the cast. The parents, Williams and Nelson, dive into the emotion, dug down deep for the panic that comes with a missing child.
However, the stand out is by the late Zelda Rubenstein as Tangina, the diminutive actress with a charming southern drawl, that makes a huge impression as an eccentric exorcist who gets all the best lines, (“This house is cleeeean!) and plays her part with good humor yet totally straight-faced.
Jerry Goldsmith’s score is one of his absolute best. A wonderful lesson in contrasts; the main theme Carol Anne’s Lullaby, compared to the rest of the score is vastly different; going from sweet and playful to suspenseful, religious awe to outright strident horror. His best score of the 80’s, earned an Oscar nomination. Two lame sequels followed, but the original still packs a suspenseful punch; the best haunted house story, ever.

An American Werewolf in London

1981

“A naked American stole my balloon.”

Release during the height of the slasher frenzy, Director John Landis delivered a more traditional horror movie, but with a twist. This unusual hybrid of horror and comedy was mostly out of favor at the time, (not seen since the Abbott & Costello days and their Universal monster mash-ups), a gimmick many predicted would fail. It didn’t and spawned many imitators, “Ghostbusters,” and “Evil Dead 2,” took their cues from this clever and often excellent film.
The comedy mostly works and the horror elements are down right iconic. Director John Landis, hot off his double winning streak with “Animal House” and “The Blues Brothers,” starts off with two American college buddies, David (David Naughton) and Jack (Griffin Dunne) backpacking in England. They get thirsty and head for the pub “Slaughtered Lamb.” In a mocking fashion, they go in to soak up the local color. The patrons are cold, shooting the duo dirty looks and suspicious glances. The pair asks too many questions and are told to leave, but not before getting a warning of DO NOT go into the moors, stay on the road. They ignore said warning of course. They are savagely attacked, David is wounded, and Jack is killed. David spends his recovery in the hospital in London dealing with horrible realistic nightmares, questioning his sanity and the intentions of those around him while making hot love to the perfect Nurse Jenny Agutter and dealing with ghostly apparitional visits from his friend Jack acting as his guilt.
Two pictures away before his career defining disaster with the accidental deaths on his segment of “Twilight Zone: The Movie,” this was Landis working in top form. Walking the fine line between horror and comedy, the film is surprisingly cohesive as the humor gradually merges into the horror elements, which are quite startling and the jokes clever; as said by the 8 y/o English boy, “A naked American stole my balloon.” The best jokes are delivered by Jack described by David as a “walking meatloaf,” with his grisly, open gashes and lacerations. The running gag throughout the film is that Jack decays from each appearance, thus, the last time we see Jack he is in skeletal form.  Landis has fun with the premise by using only songs with pertaining to or have “Moon” in the title, for example, “Bad Moon Rising” is played as David begins his painful transformation.

The horror elements work just as well, especially once David is a werewolf and stalks his first several victims, the best being a nice bit of suspense in the London subways. There is nothing terribly innovative or original about the storyline, but it’s all in the execution! The true star of the film is make-up artist Rick Baker who put himself on the map with his outstanding work. Every piece of work stands out as some of the most imaginative make up ever produced. One iconic image after another is due to Baker’s mad genius for which he won a deserved Oscar. One sequence that scared the heck out of me as a kid and stuck with me into adulthood was the monster Nazis. Although there are no swastikas visible, it’s implied that’s exactly what they are considering the family is Jewish. It has nothing really to do with the overall plot other than to get the audience in a frenzy and to show the fear created by he original Nazis and how those images of evil still resonate. The money shot, the one sequence that everyone talks about is David’s werewolf transformation. An amazing feat, it reaches deep down into our collective nightmares and brings fourth one of the best special effects sequences ever put to film. To see the actor writhe on the floor in pain is not for the sissies watching. What use to be done with trick photography and time-lapse gimmick was done with then-state of the art effects that brought the werewolf legend into the modern age. It is astounding we see it all in real time; with muscles tearing, bones cracking, the single best Werewolf transformation scene in ever filmed. Effects and make-up genius Rick Baker won a much deserved Oscar for said sequence.

Acting wise, all are good, Griffin Dunne offers the comedy relief and David Naughton, whose career went mostly to television, is good as the every man dealing with an extraordinary situation. Jenny Agutter provides moral support and other…stuff as the hot nurse who takes David home and three cameos by Frank Oz, one as Miss Piggy, round out the cast.

Even though I sing its praises and the movie gets right way more than it gets wrong; the ending is a huge letdown. Considering what we got moments before, the bedlam in Piccadilly Circus, cars being crashed, decapitated heads rolling, werewolf on the loose eating, slashing and killing; an orgy of gore and violence that is quite gorgeous that Landis pulled off with perfect skill. To have it all end abruptly in the alley is anti-climatic to say the least. Still considering the many imitators that followed, the film is still a remarkable achievement and remains the quintessential werewolf story.

Night of the Creeps 

1986

“I’ve got good news and bad news, girls. The good news is your dates are here. The bad news is, they’re dead!”

In the 1980’s, when they were not remaking horror movies from the 1950’s, they aped them, borrowed heavily and gave them an 80’s spin. Although this looks like an alien invasion movie on the surface, it steals from many other genres as it sings loud and proud what it really is; a hilarious, gory, bizarre love letter to the best of the B movies and the inspirations within. The uneducated watcher might call it a schizoid piece of crap, but they’d be wrong-o as its more than obvious a mixture of aliens, slug-like parasites, cryogenics, slasher, and zombies while set in the middle of some kind of teen romantic comedy, with a homicide detective pulled right out of a 40′s film noir. DUH!
It is 1959; a strange canister from outer space crash lands near make-out point, the teen investigating is suddenly attacked by a leech-like creature. Almost thirty years later, young college students Chris Romero (Jason Lively) and J.C. Hooper (Steve Marshall) try to pledge a fraternity by stealing the body from a cryogenics lab, which Chris hopes will impress the pretty Cynthia Cronenberg (Jill Whitlow). Still carrying the alien parasite inside, the reanimated body spews more of the invading bugs, transforming their hosts into bloodthirsty zombies. With the help of Det. Ray Cameron (Tom Atkins), it is up to Chris and Cynthia to save the campus.
Not as sophisticated as Romero’s Dead series or as gross as Fulci, on its own, its funny, sometimes clever and always a total blast and wears its homage pedigree as a badge of honor with all the main characters being named after famous Directors; Chris Romero, Cynthia Cronenberg, Ray Cameron, J.C. (John Carpenter) Hooper, Detective Landis and Sergeant Rami.

 M.I.A. (Missing In Action) writer/Director Fred Dekker (creator of the also brilliant “The Monster Squad” and Director of the awful “Robocop 3) does not make fun his story, he celebrates the inherent absurdity and plays up the seriousness behind the camp. It’s a celebration of B-movie making at its finest; cheap special effects, speedy schedules, bad production values and tiny budgets, its all here to ingest and enjoy, the movie is having fun and wants us to participate as the characters drop one-liners faster than Schwarzenegger on speed. It is not a spoof nor is it filled with annoying self-ware meta-humor jokes, it fashions its own story, yet it is mindful of the clichés, stock characters, and situations that came before and plays them up. Even though it’s a bit of a stretch to call this a horror film, Dekker does keep things just serious enough without it being campy, yet still with plenty of jokes.
Performances are hard to gage in a movie like this since they are either intentionally bad or over-the-top, but either way, they work. Jason Lively (Rusty from “European Vacation, half-brother to Blake Lively) never set the world on fire with anything after this, but he is acceptable. He has a few good lines and gets to cut up a zombie with a push-lawnmower. Jill Whitlow (Weird Science) as his (yeah, right) object of affection tries to keep up, but almost gets lost in the insanity, but holds her own and is great to look at (whatever happened to her?) as she gets to use a flamethrower while wearing a homecoming dress.
The stand out, and one of the single best performances in a horror film of the 1980’s (Campbell as Ash and Freddy Krueger complete the list) is Tom Atkins as Ray Cameron. A clichéd film noir cop, he is played to the macho hilt. A hard-bitten, two –bit, hard drinking, smoking flatfoot that has seen this alien strangeness before and knows how to deal with them. Armed with a gun and a one-liner, Atkins is hilarious and iconic as he spouts off several memorable lines, totally deadpan, “Thrill Me,” when he gets some news or when the zombies arrive on the sorority’s girls doorsteps, “I have good news and bad news girls. The good news is your dates are here. The bad news, they’re dead!”
Twenty-five years later the film still has legs. Very much in the tradition of “Fright Night,” “Night of the Creeps” does not make fun of its heritage, but it does have a great time honoring it. It is a big block of cheese and total blast from start to finish. Where the hell is that sequel????

Candyman 

1992

“Sweet to the Sweets”

Criminally underrated, a forgotten gem in the 90′s, with its urban decay; cynical, disillusioned sensibilities, its courageous take on the role of minority was the first of its kind as it had a black man as the main baddie. It is a cerebral, sleek, menacing and outright creepy good old fashion ghost story told flawlessly that morphs into an unlikely love story.
Tony Todd stars as the title character born from an urban legend who comes to life in the ghetto neighborhood of Chicago at the infamous housing project known as Cabrini-Green.
Director Bernard Rose uses the landscape to get the thrills. With no Hollywood assistance, Chicago ghettos look like a warzone, graffiti and trash everywhere, there is a dread, evil permeates every urban scene and Rose’s direction takes the viewer on a smart, fierce, and pounding ride. Plenty of depth here as themes of racism, poverty and crime are explored to a delicate degree, it’s never bashed over the viewer’s head, more with a wagging finger.
Virginia Madsen is Helen, the Graduate student researching “Urban Legends” and is pulled into hell when she investigates the reports of sightings of a real “Candyman.” An excellent performance full of tragedy and sympathy as she is put in situations where she has to question her own sanity and the Candyman pursues her and acts as Satan-like figure offering many temptations. Surprising solid, as the original story is from Clive Barker, whose work has never really been given a decent treatment, but then it doesn’t really deserve it as his stuff is not all that good.

Composer Phillip Glass is the real star of the movie, I’m not sure if the film would still be talked about all these years later without it, as it stands, it’s memorable, catchy as it supports and gives weight to Glass’ lamenting black angels in kaleidoscopic dreamy rotting landscapes. Organs, horns and choral back ground singers give it a hint of g Gothic pretense and impending doom as Helen’s sanity slowly slips away.

BEST HORROR REMAKES
Horror films have been remade more than any other genre. Here are the absolute best ones. These are either on par or surpass the orginal.

Invasion the Body Snatchers

1978

The second incarnation of a total of four so far, (1956’s Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 1993’s “Body Snatchers,” 2007’s “The Invasion-all are based on Jack Finney’s 1955 book The Body Snatchers. It would seem the next remake will be called, “OF,”) is now regarded as a classic; taking the alien invasion of a small town and transporting it to the city of San Francisco, CA as strange pods from outer space attempt to replace its residents with alien duplicates.
Directed by Phillip Kaufman takes this very seriously and manages to create a moody, sinister, paranoid vibe draped in shadows and whispering voices. It’s a stretch to think anyone would notice other pod people in a city so large, but the story is convincing and the actors sell it.
It’s a constant tightrope of tension to watch as the characters try and figure out who is human or pod, we don’t know and the screenplay slaps us around until the Twilight Zone-style ending.
The main cast is excellent led by Donald Sutherland, Brook Adams, Veronica Cartwright, Jeff Goldblum and Leonard Nimoy.
Several faces from the original film make cameos, Kevin McCarthy, and the film’s Director Don Siegel as a Taxi driver.
The original film was a metaphor for communism, the tyranny of McCarthyism; the film replaced it with the skewering of the Me Decade and the self-help, touchy feely gurus of the day who tried to purge pain with a best-seller and turn everyone into the same person with bland conformity. This is embodied in his best non-Trek performance by Nimoy as Dr. David Kibner, a smug Psychiatrist. Stylish, clever effects never over power the story, especially the dog with the man’s face or the creepy pod people transformations, the effects merely propel the story to its scary conclusion. It is accomplished, knowing, and best of all: it works!

Fright Night

2011

On the surface it appears to be a pointless remake of the 1985 original, but dig a litter deeper and you will see a new identity has been carved out and the new version is just as funny and clever as the original, more so in a lot of ways. The gimmick is the right balance; it has equal shares of scares and laughs.
Who says your horror movies can’t laugh at themselves?
The proceedings are transplanted to Las Vegas where High School kid Charlie Brewster, (Anton Yelchin) lives with his mom (Toni Collette in a rare non-weeping role) and quickly suspects his new neighbor, Jerry Dandridge (Colin Ferrell) might be a Vampire. His mom, friends and girlfriend Amy, (Imogene Poots) all think he’s nuts. The trouble is, he has to prove it. He enlists the help of Kriss Angel look-alike Magician and self-proclaimed Vampire expert, Peter Vincent, (David Tennant), who of course tells him to get lost, at first, but eventually agrees to help.
After the deluge of the torture porn and the Tripe-light garbage, “Fright Night” is a welcomed throwback. Like the original, it’s a love letter to the Hammer horror days of yore. When Vampires were vamps; they didn’t emote, have angst or sparkle like cheap jewelry and could be dispatched relatively easy with stakes, garlic, holy water and sunlight. Although this incarnation is a bit too hip to embrace the Hammer kids, it follows the same path of not being too serious with it’s tongue firmly planted in cheek, but seriously enough that we are invested in the characters and have a good time.
Writer Marti Noxon knows a thing or two about vampires since ‘cutting her teeth’ as writer/producer of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer,” and like that brilliant series, delivers some genuine scary moments laced with a smart-alecky joke or two. The screenplay has the most fun with Collin Ferrell as Dandrige, for once the actor uses his ladies man reputation to its full advantage, turning it up full blast as he comes off charismatic and in balls deep douche bag mode. Toni Collette is great as Ma Brewster who is smitten by Jerry’s charms. Christopher Mintz-Plasse as Evil Ed is funny, but not nearly as inspired as Stephen Geoffreys from the original.
His utterance of the film’s iconic line, “You’re so cool, Brewster,” falls flat compared to the original. Yelchin as Brewster is the film’s best performance, convinced about Jerry, he’s obsessive, but not as crazed as William Ragsdale was in the original and far more resourceful. Tennant as Vincent is no Roddy McDowell, but he will do. He is there more to make fun of the goth/Kriss Angel culture than as a true Vampire killer.
Director Craig Gillespie uses Las Vegas surroundings effectively and to create an eerie mood and the city’s reputation for sin; for instance who would question a guy who only comes out at night? Although the 3D is a huge waste of time, “Fright Night manages to be one of the best horror remakes in recent years. It’s not high art, but it is tons of scary fun.

The Thing

1982

Opening just one week after “E.T.-The Extra Terrestrial,” in the summer of 1982, this gore-infected, machismo-laden shock fest didn’t stand a chance against Spielberg’s feel good opus or “Blade Runner’ which opened the same day.
What is now regarded as Carpenter’s masterpiece was a notorious box-office flop and met with hostile reviews from the critics and sci-fi fans who felt Carpenter had betrayed some kind of trust…whatever.
The first and the best in what the Director called his Apocalypse Trilogy, followed by “Prince of Darkness” and “In the Mouth of Madness” due to their bleak endings and sinister horror elements.
The trouble begins with a crashed space ship discovered under the ice and several members of an arctic research team that is menaced by an alien presence capable of imitating other life forms.
A remake of Howard Hawk’s 1951, “The Thing”, more accurately, based loosely, Carpenter took what worked in the original; the isolated location, the bickering characters and the menacing alien and imprinted his own frightening images. He was pressured from the studio to stick a woman in there, but he refused and the film works brilliantly because of it creating one of the best ensemble horror films ever made.
Kurt Russell stars as MacCready leads the charge as no-nonsense pilot that hates his current gig and hates his colleagues more, but when a mysterious creature begins to wreak havoc, they are forced to work together to survive.
A great supporting cast led by Wilford Brimley, Richard Dysart, T.K. Carter, Richard Masur and Keith David gives the film plenty of machismo and hubris as they fight amongst themselves trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
The best performance is not by the actors, but the main husky dog. He was given very little direction yet he appears to be under a trainers spell and would do whatever Carpenter wanted by a simple command or gesture.
Many critics complained the characters were unsympathetic and foul-mouthed, but they are missing the point. It is not about liking these people it’s about deciphering who is who, are they alien or human? Being in cramped quarters with people you do not trust while a killer is on the loose would make anyone cranky so to say they lack sympathy is utter bullcrap, its implicit.
Another critique was aimed at the gruesome monster effects, make-up, which is quite startling, to this day, the effects are flawless and stomach-churning. I could not imagine CGI even touching the palpable realism the effects display, especially the dog kennel sequence.
The constant parade of strange hybrid monsters is the point of the flick, to show how clever and insidious the alien is. Never knowing if it’s a man or a dog, that’s quite disturbing and the imagery backs it up.
Like John Landis’s own FX orgy per Baker in “American Werewolf in London;” Botten challenges the viewer to look away with the various changes and switcheroos between human, alien, dog and back again. The scene in the dog kennel is one of great artistry and disgust and still hard to watch as an ardent animal/dog lover. Another great sequence is splashed with some welcomed humor, has a character utter an oft- quoted line for disbelief when he witnesses the head of an infected colleague grows legs, scurries away like a spider and says “You’ve got to be f******’ kidding!”
Italian composer, Ennio Morricone offers up yet another great score, this time full of dread and atmosphere very much in the Carpenter spirit, so much so, I use to think it was Carpenter’s work.
A sad irony as this is the Director’s masterpiece, flawlessly written and executed, it’s the perfect study in paranoia, absolutely spellbinding at times. Thanks to cable, video rentals and DVD over the years, Carpenter, and the film have been vindicated.  Carpenter’s career took a major hit and never fully recovered forever relegating him to B movies.

Let Me In

2010
Rob Zombie and all the other hacks, take note, THIS is how you do a horror remake! If you cannot improve it or offer a unique perspective-, do not touch it. Forget that gooey trash unleashed with the idiotic “Twilight” saga tripe or the brain dead “Vampire Diaries!- it is time for the adults to play now.
It is also criminal how little publicity this film received. With the exception of some notable, positive reviews via the internet, the film came and went without sound or fury ignored by the ignorant masses more interested in the trashy SAW sequel.
A rare instance of a remake, this case the western interpretation of a stylish Swedish horror film from 2008 called “Let the Right One In,” exceeding expectations and being just as good as the original. Usually these adaptations lose something either in the translation or stupid studio heads ordering change just for the sake of change. That is certainly not the case here as everything great about the original is left intact, save for the location, this time in 1983 Los Alamos, New Mexico. Everything else, including and especially the creepy milieu set against the snowy landscape and the wonderful performances remain and exceed their original counterparts. Richard Jenkins stars as Abby’s father, Kodi Smit-McPhee as Owen and Chloë Grace Moretz as Abby. The kids own this movie; it is hard to believe they are not even teenagers as they tread some heavy emotional territory and reward us with intimacy instead of cheap sentiment. These kids are real actors, not mimics.
Practically perfect films are so rare, good horror films are even more so, “Let Me In,” is both. Not only emotionally, but on a technical level, the film is surprising as the level of sophistication is startling for an American horror film and for that alone Reeves needs to be applauded. Great effort was taken to not make this a vampire/horror film, even though it is and those elements are embraced, they aren’t the star. The real meat of the story is the effects and despair caused by divorce; the loneliness, the self-doubt it triggers.
My favorite moment is not even related to horror, but Hitchcock as Jenkins’s father character is in the backseat of an intended victim. He is about to do the unthinkable, but makes a mistake and loses his courage. Full of tension, we root for the guy when we know we should not; shot and performed brilliantly.
The film asks some tough questions about what it truly means to be evil. The nastiest character in the film is the boy next-door type that torments Owen for no discernible reason. Abby the Vampire, ironically, shows the most humanity by first befriending Owen and then later rescuing him from drowning by the bullies. Owen eventually learns what Abby is and doesn’t seem to mind that she eats people.
Composer Michael Gianchinno does his best yet, a retro feel, it captures the nuance of the characters and conveys abject terror and unconditional love with a beautiful texture and ease.
A true genre-buster; it works as a coming-of-age, horror and strangely sweet love story. Director Matt Reeves should be a household name by now in horror circles with this quiet masterpiece.

The Fly

1986

Director David Cronenberg delivered this strangely sympathetic story, based on the 1956 original starring Vincent Price, of a scientist who’s DNA becomes combined with a housefly after his teleportation experiments fail.
Geena Davis plays the reporter, Veronica Quaife, tracking the story. Jeff Goldblum plays Seth Brundle and he is very good, capturing the good doctor’s slow decent into madness that turns into desperation, futility and eventually nihilism as his dreams disintegrate and have to be terminated.
One of his most engaging roles; he is poignant, disturbing and darkly comic at the same time. Davis mirrors his reactions perfectly, as she is faced with the strangest of strange situations. A well-modulated performance that does not turn into a screeching harpy so we feel for her when she is faced with profound dilemmas.
The real star of the film is its Director Cronenberg, known for his intense, bizarre imagery, he does not disappoint. The gore factor is turned up to stomach-turning levels of a mad genius at work. For instance, when Brundle-fly wants to eat something, he vomits on it, like a real fly and scoops up the residue- yum or when Quaife has a nightmare of giving birth to Brundle’s “maggot,” ick!
Similar in resolve to Carpenter’s The Thing, a few barf-bag moments do not a movie make so we get plenty of thematic sustenance; like the dangers of playing God and tampering with nature and the complexities of what they are attempting to emulate. The film isn’t against technology, it’s merely stressing its limited capacities along with humanity’s hubris and ego to surpass its creator.
His personal touches are there; the stylish somber tones, gross-out effects, ambiguous, gruesome biological masses and sex scenes that make us queasy as much as they titillate. For some Directors that would be enough, but “The Fly” moves beyond and is a smart, compelling allegory that constantly pushes the characters in daring directions giving off a psychological claustrophobia and eventual sadness- a masterpiece in every sense of the word.

Dawn of the Dead

2004

Before the zombie genre was over-saturated and depleted. Remake fever in Hollywood had hit its zenith with this announcement- critics and fans rightfully scoffed at the mere idea of a remake of such a perfect horror film.
A foolish idea from the giddy-up for sure, yet Director Zack Snyder makes an impressive debut and comes out of it as one of the new Hollywood golden boys. Although not nearly as witty or snide as the original, this redo is damn fine by itself and offers plenty of quality gruesome imagery.
Sarah Polley and Ving Rhames star as two of the last remaining people on an earth that has been ravaged by flesh-eating zombies. After escaping to a shopping mall with a handful of other survivors, they decide that they only way to truly elude the approaching mass of undead is to somehow make their way to an island that is supposedly zombie-free.
Other than the shopping mall, allusions to the original stop right there. I give credit to Snyder for trying to distinguish his take. Like or hate them, the running zombies add some nice elements to an already overdone sub-genre. Granted, there was something prophetic and poetic about Romero’s slow-moving lumbering creations, the running ones scare the piss out of you as if a rabid dog is baring its fangs ready for action.
This film had me at hello when I heard the great song, “The Man Comes Around” by Johnny Cash, about The Rapture, playing over the opening credits. Running zombies, crashing vehicles and overall mayhem- what a sight- this was going to be a hard movie to dislike. Like George’s this one is not without a sense of humor, my favorite was the celebrity look-alike game, (Rosie O’Donnell!, Burt Reynolds?) as the sniper shoots the approaching zombies.
The only flaw of the film is that it is named after a horror icon. Had this been named anything else, it may have been greeted more warmly from horror fans. As it is, it’s far better than it deserves and manages to tell one helluva of an apocalyptic tale. Completely pointless, this one won me over and although not nearly as clever or knowing as Romero’s, it is a damn fine zombie movie and even better remake.

The Blob

1988

A hot trend in the 1980’s was to remake horror/monster movies from the 1950’s and it mostly worked; The Thing, The Fly, and The Blob being the best of the lot, while others, Invaders from Mars, flopped and were largely forgotten.
The 1958 original Blob’s only known distinction is that it was Steve McQueen’s and Anita Corsaut first’s (Andy Griffith Show) first starring roles as teenagers, despite their ages, she 25 and he 28. It is a stretch to call this a horror film considering it is about as scary as an episode of the “The Munsters,” but as a monster movie, it mostly works. Still with its campy tone, this cheapie, aimed at the drive-in crowd, made lots of money on its miniscule budget and quickly became a cult classic.
The remake is a vastly different affair; with changed sensibilities and improved special effects, it eschews the campy tone of the first, (no goofy theme song for one or stilted acting) and plays up the horror elements and gross-out moments.
Written by Chuck Russell, who would also Direct and Frank Darabont, (yes, THAT Frank Darabont) the film follows the same path; strange meteor falls from the sky engulfs anything in its path until two young people bring attention to the deadly menace.
Performances are a fine, Kevin Dillon’s hairstyle is a separate story of another kind of horror, but is amusing as the male lead as his machismo goes into overdrive. Some strange miscasting with Joe Seneca as a Government stooge, but it’s Shawnee Smith being the stand out, cute and very capable, but honestly, who cares? With a title like this, I do not tune in for Shakespearian style acting that moves the soul- BAH! I want to see people eaten by the ooze and thankfully, that is provided without mercy.
My favorite moment is the transient, whose lower half is turned into a pizza-like gooey soup or the guy sucked down the sink drain.
Plenty of action and adventure, its miles ahead of the original is every way. Its great fun and the special effects are top-notch. A shame, since the film was a box-office disaster and was ignored by genre fans, but it has gained some ground over the years and acknowledged as one of the best horror remakes of its time.
A goofball sequel to the original followed in 1972, called “Beware, the Blob!” Directed by Larry Hagman has fun with the concept but is played mainly for laughs, both intended and unintentional. Hack, purveyor of crap, Rob Zombie has threatened us with his own version of a remake. Please don’t.

★★★★☆ 

Ryan Reynolds for me has always had somewhat of a special appeal for me. I dig his fast paced Chevy Chase style humor and delivery mechanism. He always makes me laugh, especially when he is unrestrained in films like “Waiting” or “Best Friend”. The trailer for Green Lantern did come off to me somewhere between hokey and super cool. I was worried that Reynolds would not be able to find that hero element that is required for a property of this caliber. Green Lantern is considered by most to be the 3rd greatest DC super hero, slightly edging out Wonder Woman as a fan favorite. For me, Reynolds got it right.

Martin Campbell, who brought us Goldeneye and Casino Royale found a way to use Reynolds natural talents to great effect, hiding the hero he needs to be within a shell of smart-assery, a shell that is baked on by fear. And Fear is what this movie is about.

I don’t write reviews to talk about story elements, so I won’t go into the details about Green being the color of will, yellow the color of Fear, and all that, but let’s just say Campbell is an intelligent director who keeps the story elements revolving around these themes without going too far into symbolism, which a movie about a police force from outer space doesn’t require. The intelligence of the movie is found in the always fantastic Mark Strong as Sinestro, Geoffrey Rush as Tomar-re, and Temura Morrison (Jango Fett from Clones) as the voice of the spectacularly done Abin Sur. Campbell knows he needs to make the could-be silliness of the world of OA more credible, and the reality of earth more goofy to get the two worlds to connect, and it’s done so brilliantly. I could have certainly done with more Oa, but the extended cut sharpens up the characterizations of our main protagonists of earth by showing their relationship as children, and adds more weight to scene between Hal and his nephew. The result is a much better, more emotional experience, and it gives us a lot more reason to love Hal Jordan and understand his fears and why the ring picked him than the theatrical cut did.

Blake Lively is spectacularly sexy and sweet in what is in this installment, just a character role, but she doesn’t go over the top, and keeps the movie grounded in the right areas. Peter Sarsgaard is good in his role as Hector, but the character itself is one of the film’s flaws, as it could have been used to create a deeper connection to the characters, and utilized to create a real emotional conflict within Hal and Carol… You feel sorry for his character a bit, but you don’t sense that the other characters were ever affected by his plight or even cared about him at all that much. This should have been worked out to give the film the extra bit of punch it needed. It doesn’t kill the film, but I sense it’s the stone that dragged the picture down. Maybe there was more on the cutting room floor. Clancy Brown was great as the voice of the Parallax, and the Parallax is great in the scenes it’s in. There is better wizardry in the final battle between the Green Lantern and Parallax than in any fantasy of recent memory.

The score is pretty good. There are some electronic drum beats that bothered me, and the music for the training scene with Kilowag was as bad as the thankfully short scene poorly played by Michael Clark Duncan. There is a fantastic little theme in there, a finally heroic cue that not only underlines the coming of the Green Lantern, but gives the proper amount of punch and emotional release. It’s not Superman, it’s not Batman, it’s somewhere in between. I found myself humming the cue after it was over. A good sign.

All in all a very good movie, with a very good score, very good performances, and very good direction. It’s not perfect, but it’s the best super hero movie I saw this year. Xmen was terrific, but the XMen are not super heroes, Thor and Captain America were great as well, but the marvel super heroes are usually more concerned with fighting the super villains than ever saving ordinary folks (Iron Man 1 and Spider-Man being exceptions). Green Lantern is here to save the Earth, just like Batman and Superman. I would welcome and am hopeful for a sequel.

“Only What You Take With You” 

-Yoda to Luke before entering the Darkside Cave on Dagobah-

It’s hard to remember exactly when I first saw “Star Wars”, before actually seeing it. I do remember in mid-summer 1977, my family loaded up the car, ($4 a car load in those days!) went to the drive in. I do recall a promotional giveaway of Star Wars items, bubblegum cards perhaps, too early for the action figures just yet, but the first 50 cars got some sweet swag! Our car was 51. Just my luck. We pulled up to the window and I got a lollipop. Arrggg!
Once we settled in and the movie started, I remember being utterly blown away as the Star Destroyer crept across the screen. I don’t recall much of the experience except images, when R2-D2 was zapped by the Jawas and fell over, I heard a wave of laughter from the cars along side us or when the Millennium Falcon makes its first jump to light speed. And of course the Death Star assault and the awards ceremony, I distinctly recall people cheering when the Death Star blew up. As we left the drive-in, I was forever changed that night, Star Wars was imprinted on my brain and I’ve never looked back.
In between the movies, Christmases were stocked with action figures, ships and play sets, bedsheets, t-shirts, notebooks and stickers. I wore Star Wars underoos, (Vader was my favorite) like a model posing for Ralph Lauren. My cousin and I would use old broom sticks and cardboard paper wrapping tubes, which didn’t last long, for our light saber duels and fight over who got to be Han Solo. Long before VCR’s, I remember using my mom’s portable tape recorder to record the trailers of the ANH shown on television in between episodes of “Charlie’s Angels.” The less said about the horrible Holiday Special the better.
I became a member of the fan club, Bantha Tracks and waited anxiously for the release of “The Empire Strikes Back.”
Upon its release, one of the best movie experiences ever, was when Vader told Luke he was his father. An audible gasp was heard as no one could believe it. Long before movie spoilers and the internet would ruin everything for you, everyone, myself included, went in relatively cold. Knowing only it was the sequel to Star Wars, we all had no idea what we were in for.
Contrary to popular belief, Empire was not universally acclaimed, several mainstream critics dismissed it, Vincent Canby, of the New York Times said it was too dark, muddled plot and too intense.  Legendary critic Pauline Kael was dismissive,  just as she had with the first film calling it ‘a bright shiny, kids toy- nothing more.’

The kids down the street, two super dork brothers were forbidden to see it by their crazed religious mother who felt Vader was a ‘Satanic looking’ figure. I don’t think those poor bastards got to see the flick until at least 2 years later…

They hung on my every word as I described the incredible walking AT-ATs attacking the Rebels on Hoth, the thrilling asteroid field chase, Yoda, Luke and Vader dueling. I felt sorry for them on that day as I got the experience of a lifetime and they had to listen to some punk neighbor kid give them the gory details.
The coveting of new toy began, the AT-AT, possibly the single best toy ever created by Kenner. It had everything, guns, opened doors, grappling hook, rope, batteries to make noise awesome. Sadly, it eluded me, all those Christmases asking, pleading, begging, I would not get one until years later when I discovered ebay.
As Empire faded away, the anticipation was building for “Return of the Jedi.” I continued to read my monthly edition of Bantha Tracks and collect the figures like a fiend. Every time my mom made a grocery run, I’d cajole and twist her arm to take me to Wal-Mart or the defunct S. S. Kresge dime store. For the longest time it seemed the store only ever had three figures; one I already had, Lobot and the others I deemed lame at the time; Bespin Security Guard, (black and white one) Princess Leia in Bespin Gown. I was dilegent, if I found what I was looking for and didn’t have the dough, I’d hide the figure behind a bigger item I knew would stay put for while and come back for it later. This almost always worked, unless an employee saw me rearrange their stock and put it back in the shelf.
It was hard times for a lower class kid growing up wanting every Star Wars toy ever made, but Christmases were always great in those years up to at least 1985.
When JEDI debuted, it was one of the best crowd-pleasing moments I’ve ever experienced; Luke walks the plank and R2 shoots him his light saber, the house nearly collapsed from applause and cheers. Being caught up in the moment, I didn’t want it to end. I loved the Ewoks, the speeder bike chase, the emotional duel between father and son and the last gasp of the evil Emperor. I was glued to my seat despite being filled up with a gallon of cola.
It took awhile to sink in that this was the last one. So much so, I did not believe the stories beforehand that Vader was killed and unmasked. As I sat in the theater, at 11 y/o, I wept, not just for Anakin’s redemption, but for me as a fan and for Star Wars in general, as it would soon be over, the rituals, the figure hunting, the anticipation all done.
As the summer closed and the years passed, Star Wars faded away not only from my life, but from the national awareness as well with Lucas stepping away from his Universe for a time.
Much to my surprise, I was fine with that as I matured, got my Driver’s license, graduated high school and prepared for college, I had already discovered far more provocative things to obsess over.
As the 90’s dawned, something extraordinary happened. Star Wars made a comeback,
In 1991 Heir to the Empire was released to hungry fans everywhere. It was the first Star Wars novel to hit the New York Times best sellers list. It gave birth to the expanded universe line of books and comics. Two more sequels followed, “Dark Force Rising,” “The Last Command,” both best sellers. The weren’t the movies, but they were the original characters and they would do for the moment.
The Star Wars revival was in full gear when in 1995 Lucas announced the 20th anniversary re-release of all three films in 97 and then production would soon begin on the prequel trilogy. Fans were ecstatic to say the least.
“Star Wars: A New Hope” was released in 1997 to enthusiastic audiences all over again. No good deed goes unpunished, as it was here, that the tide was slowly turning against Lucas. Something I never thought I would ever see in my lifetime. Not in a significant way, but for some “fans” he was becoming a target of disdain for changing their beloved franchise with some additional changes to the films, the most controversial being “Greedo shooting at Han Solo.” Originally, Greedo talks crap, Han blows him away, the alien slumps over dead, a great scene right out of a Clint Eastwood spaghetti western. I don’t like it either, but I never made it an effort to hate Lucas for it or to waste bandwidth complaining about it.

I will however comment on the positive changes Lucas has made over the years in hopes of gaining some perspective and illuminating a few who may still be in the dark.

With the exception of one change, I happen the dig the rest and I hope whoever reads this will learn to appreciate “Star Wars” for either the first time or in a new light. I will stick to the original trilogy as where that is the majority of the changes. The addition of digital Yoda to The  Phantom Menace  is of course, a wise choice and long overdue, so we can leave it at that.

For those reacting, or should I say, over reacting to these latest blu-ray changes, I ask why? What did you expect? Ever since 1977, with each introduction to a new media format and with re-releases, the films have always had a few tweaks and additions. The misconception though is that it started in 1997, which is just not true. It has been going on practically ever since the first film’s release. Lucas was pressured constantly during production of “Star Wars” and never felt it was completely finished. His penchant for tweaking and adding was evident even in those days in 1977, but it was mostly audio changes at first; alternate dialogue takes and sound effects were added, tweaked, or eliminated. The first visual change at least as far as I can remember, was in 1981, he added “Episode IV: A New Hope” to the re-release prints of Star Wars to connect with, ret-con “Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back,” in 1980.

The original title to episode 6 was “Revenge of the Jedi” there were trailers made, even posters. This was done mainly to smoke out bogus merchandisers; also, George realized there was no revenge angle to the story. Still the tinkering and the tweaking have ALWAYS been there.

1997 saw the most significant changes occur once technology caught up Lucas’s imagination with the re-release of the original trilogy to theaters. A constant ire to him, he explained his need to re-do some glaring effects, punch up the audio and add ‘a few new surprises.’

STAR WARS EPISODE IV: A NEW HOPE

Most of the changes were positive and met with enthusiasm, except for one:

* Tattooine’s Mos Eisley now looks busier and a bigger hive of scum and villainy.

* During the Stormtroopers search for the droids, they now ride moving, more realistic looking Dewbacks instead of sitting atop a stationary prop.

*  Ben Kenobi’s Krayt Dragon  call to scare away the Sand People assaulting Luke is given a higher pitch (blu-ray). Who cares?

* Han Solo and Jabba the Hutt, a much slimmer version, have a face to face that many liked but just many did not. The 97 version looks terrible; Jabba has big bulbous eyes and looks like something from N64. The 2004 version corrected it and now the scene is much better. Many have said it is redundant, but I like it. It puts Solo in control and has a nice pay off in JEDI when he’s Jabba’s prisoner.

* Luke’s land speeder effect was made to look less obvious and the X-Wings approaching the Death Star Assault look far more impressive.

* And here it is, the biggest change, the one that still all these years later is the cause of many fat fanboys consternation is the Han/Greedo showdown. Originally, Greedo corners Solo, talks guff, threatens to kill him, Solo gets him under the table, the alien slumps over dead. It was quick, tight and superbly edited. The redo has a wide establishing shoot of Greedo shooting first, Han dodging it, firing back and killing him.

I understand his reasons for changing Solo’s MO, I guess; to tone down the cold-blooded vibe Solo gives off by killing Greedo in a somewhat sneaky fashion. I do not like it, unnecessary. The 2004 DVDs and now the blu-rays have corrected it somewhat, they both now shoot simultaneously, but it still looks awkward. Of all the changes Lucas made this is the only one that I truly dislike. It is intrusive and makes a once great scene now look like a patch job, haphazardly slapped together. However, hey, it’s his baby.

STAR WARS: EPISODE V: THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

The second installment had a few changes, mostly cosmetic, but the two significant tweaks were a brand new Wampa creature and Ian MacDiarmid added in as Emperor Palpatine.

* The original Wampa creature always looked off to me. We see the creature twice and he looks terrible in each shot. When he attacks Luke, we see a pathetic close-up of a stiff prop and when he comes at Luke in the cave, it looks like it is on a dolly track with teamsters pushing it. Both shots are stiff and immobile.

* The redo is a vast improvement. The creature is now walking, moving and looks like a real threat to Luke a real character now, no longer the crappy prop puppet.

* The Best redo is the addition of Ian MacDiarmid as Emperor Palpatine. The scene is mostly the same, except instead of a female actor with Monkey eyes and the voice of actor Clive Revell as Palpatine; we have MacDiarmid back for the sake of continuity. The scene plays the same and makes a much better fit.

* The cosmetic changes were welcomed for the most part; Cloud City was opened up with windows and a bigger skyline.

* The speeder ships during the AT-AT assault were corrected so you now do not see through their cockpits.

STAR WARS EPISODE VI: RETURN OF THE JEDI

Of the original trilogy changes, this is the one with the most and the most controversial, not so much for the changes, but the reasons why.

* The infamous Jabba musical sequence was always there; now Sy Snootles and the Max Rebo Band, no longer looks like marionettes. Take it or leave it, by no means does it brings the film down. It is fun, nothing more. Although, the original song was a bit catchier. Not sure why this causes much of a stir since it was always there. Again, something to bitch about is the fanboy way.

* The Sarlaac pit, the nasty critter Jabba decides to through our heroes in, gets a make over. Originally, it was a weird looking hole with teeth and some limp tentacles. Now it is a creature with snapping tentacles and a creepy beak mouth that gobbles the bad guys. It is a neat change that does not interfere with the main action on-screen of Luke hacking and chopping bad guys.

* For the blu-ray edition, the Ewoks now blink those creepy doll eyes.

* The best and my favorite is the change of the rousing finale with the Ewok yub nub song in their treehouse replaced with an epic, elegant finish. John Williams created a new piece of music that shows the entire galaxy; Coruscant, Tatooine, Naboo, Bespin/Cloud City, celebrating the Empires’ defeat. It is a wonderful improvement and adds weight to our heroes’ accomplishments.

Then of course, there are those who want Lucas’s head on a pike for adding ghost Hayden Christiansen to the ending of JEDI for the 2004 DVDs. Originally, actor Sebastian Shaw was in the Vader suit, dies in Luke’s arms, and becomes one with the Force as the ghost of Anakin who appears alongside Yoda and Ben Kenobi.

 * In the change up, Hayden Christiansen replaces Shaw as Ghost Anakin.

It makes sense. If you spend, hours watching the saga from start to finish its immensely satisfying to see the kid redeemed. Sebastian Shaw would be fine if the prequels were never made since that would have been the only version of Anakin we knew, but since we have now have seen Anakin in his Jedi glory as Hayden. Shaw’s appearance, barely on screen for a couple of minutes, makes little sense now compared to Hayden’s six hours and provides no dramatic power whatsoever.

The Force was inspired by elements of Christian religion; Lucas is doing a vintage change up and using some of those elements to define the Force and why young Anakin returned to his pristine self. He lost his soul when he turned to the Dark side, (the shot in ROTS with Anakin arriving on Mustafar and looks into the camera shows this) Lucas has said it is akin to being possessed by a demonic spirit, squelching all humanity from his soul. This is where he truly died, not years later on the Death Star.

He died young and Vader was mostly machine- he died young in the Force as Anakin, not Vader. He didn’t live to be an old man in the Force as Obi Wan or Yoda, (which is why they are old when their ghosts appear) he lived to be an old man in a burnt, destroyed body as Vader a Sith. When he died, his ghost represents when he was a Jedi… returning… and not a Sith. Most theories of the afterlife depict people returning to their prime selves, not as some withered, ugly old man.

Make sense? Sure does…thought so.

At this point, the addition of Hayden is not based on anything concrete and sound like making zero sense, (which it does) or contradictory, (which it’s not), it’s based on the cynical jerks who don’t dig the prequels and have really nothing against it other than petty and pathetic sour grapes and its all on you.

Get over it.

With the blu- rays,  a new controversy has arisen with the addition of NOOO to the climax of the trilogy. Originally, The Emperor is electrocuting Luke with Force power, he pauses, cackles, and announces; “Now young Skywalker…you will die!” Vader looks on. He looks at the Emperor, then at Luke and back at the Emperor, grabs him, and chucks him down the reactor core to his death, all done without Vader saying a word, nice and dramatic like, right?

Now, right before he makes the fateful decision, Vader says “NOOOO!”

My initial reaction to this was that it was a fake created by a fanboy to cause some unwanted debates, but then later it was confirmed as the real deal. At first, I did not know what to think, then I thought it unnecessary and then I actually watched the scene and guess what…it works!

 Here’s why.

People have to remember something vital about the character – Anakin was a slave his entire life, either literally, as he was on Tatooine, or metaphorically as a Jedi in training, as he constantly remarked how stifling it was.  Especially the last 20 years as a Sith, he was a slave emotionally, physically, and most importantly psychologically- he wasn’t using the Force for his bidding, it was using him. Palpatine especially was using him, stringing him along, and lying to him. The same way he felt the Jedi treated him.

 People miss the point of the NOOOOO from Revenge of the Sith. I can see where Uncle George is going with this. It was the last remnants of humanity, emotion, and freedom being purged from his soul as Anakin realized, and subsequently accepted his fate. As a young man, he was too consumed with hate, ego, power, and jealousy to fight it; he felt his loved ones had betrayed him he had no choice but to succumb.

In contrast, to Return of the Jedi, he sees a reason to reject it. You have the slumbering Anakin slowly awakening, (this begins in full when Vader is defensive about Luke calling him Anakin) remembering his humanity and compassion, and making a mindful choice not to let it continue anymore. Palpatine had stolen everything Anakin ever cared for, and as he witnesses his only son being murdered, unlike Mace Windu’s death, Anakin decides to act, so the vocalized NOOOOO in this instance is wholly appropriate, finally shaking the chains of oppression and being released by killing his oppressor, Emperor Palpatine. For those screaming that Anakin should never have been redeemed in the first place with his killing of billions and the hunting down of the Jedi. True, but he was redeemed by the love of his only son. If a child molester, rapist, murderer, child and serial killers can get a pass, given they have repented and asked for forgiveness in our spiritual world, then Anakin’s despotism can be forgiven in a fake world. Then again, if anyone is bitching about Anakin’s ghost being there period, then they are not fan and need to check out and never bother with Star Wars again since its been there from the giddy up in 1983.

The NOOO is echoed from Sith to Jedi. The first NOOO is of defeat, the second is for freedom. It actually makes a ton of sense that I hope fans will learn to investigate and appreciate.

The Star Wars fanboys have become quite a depressing lot lately. I heard someone say recently that Trekkies are superior; they at least have their dignity. (No laughter please) They like what they like and move past what they do not. Star Wars geeks suck the life out of everything they touch and leave it radioactive. Refusing to let anything, “objectionable” go, declaring George Lucas enemy of the state. A symptom of today’s nerd culture and society in general, crybabies and wimps who want everything NOW and done their WAY!  When they start wishing the man dead and personally attacking his children, something is definitely skewed.
I never once subscribed to that hate mentality, as Lucas has done nothing to piss me off frankly. If you are one of those who did not enjoy the prequels or the special editions, that is on you. Millions did. Still do!

Let go of the hate and STOP obsessing and worrying about his business tactics! Yes, he has a business to run and yes he has to make money from Star War, why is this a bad thing?  It’s not. Only left-wing morons would object this or those that have no clue how anything in the real world actually works. So give it a rest.

Fanboys and their wants are suspect anyway as they think they know whats better for anything they get their grubby clams on, yet they can’t gather enough energy to crawl out of the basement, take a bath or find a good job. They seem to forget, their memories are their own, but the property is not.
Fandom is often great, it builds a great sense of community, and collective love for a certain thing can be fun sometimes. Some of the most talented people I have ever met have been at sci-fi fantasy conventions. The kids who build those elaborate costumes are awesome, but then there are those cultish freaks who take it past the line with too much importance and seriousness. The fantasy and reality become blurred and the danger mode is engaged. It is cool to use Star Wars to escape reality, not let it become your reality.

A perfect example of how fanboys can ruin it for all. The nadir of the Lucas tirades and Star Wars backlash was awful little story I read about in 1999 or so, shortly after the release of The Phantom Menace. At a premiere in Italy, Ahmed Best, the black actor who portrayed Jar Jar Binks, was jeered at by a gathered crowd who called at him “Nigger, Nigger!”

Ugh. How pathetic. That was enough! You will not ever hear any anti Lucas bromides from me.

 As for the changes in general who really cares? I do not like Greedo shooting, but it certainly doesn’t change anything and especially doesn’t change my experience watching them.
I will have my memories and no buggering from George Lucas or anyone else will ever change that.  Fans are wrong in this instance and they need to dial back their passion because these are NOT their movies as some like to claim. They have made it personal. Yet, it is easy to see why. These films have not only become a pop culture sensation, but they have become ingrained so deeply in our society, so tightly, so profoundly that they feel like family if you grew up with them or old friends if you are meeting them for the first time. It is hard to let go if you perceive it slipping away, but if they would look past the hyperbole, they would notice nothing has changed. The films are still intanct; the experience is there if you want it. The changes are details, and details do not nullify the total. If the changes altered my experience, (for the worse) or the story, I would join in the outrage, but they do not, none in the slightest actually. If all these changes bother you, go away, stop watching and being interested; unless complaining and hating is more fun?
I kind of like the idea, every time they are released on a new format, there is something new to expect unlike the Evil Dead flicks that have been released on DVD alone close to ten times in a dozen years with the same extras and the same transfers.
Let me make myself perfectly clear, the magic of these movies is not lost. The alterations do not change the impact these movies had on me when I first saw them and they certainly aren’t diluted now. I don’t feel like George Lucas has “raped my childhood’… because, I am not a child anymore. To talk about these movies from a perspective of how you saw them as a child is just that…childish. Your memories can not be robbed or diluted, they are yours and yours alone.
George Lucas, love him or hate him, does what he wants, God bless him. Any fanboy would give their right kidney to trade places with the man so the rage against him needs to cease. The changes he does, he does because he can, and he feels compelled perhaps, and with money to burn, he does what he want. (More power to him! I wish I were as fortunate) He is like an artist who believes that his painting is never quite finished. Put those two things together and you have a man that is never going to be satisfied. As infuriating as it may be to some, Star Wars is his world, and we are all just visitors.
Lucas is no fool, he knows exactly what he is doing, and it would appear he wants to keep Star Wars updated to play in the new technology. He is connecting the saga, keeping it relevant, not raping, and killing it.

Yes, going on and on about the release of the original versions makes you one of the cool kids I guess but it also makes you look like an obsessive, clueless, idiotic purist, clinging crack baby engulfed in nerdstolgia. (Nerd Nostalgia)

 You haters can object and scream all you want, but you are in a vast minority and to the rest of us, no one cares about your complaints/issues and grievances, because they have no merit and are based on personal agendas and idiotic axes to grind.

 It’s true, no one cares. The sales of the BR broke records as fans wanted their Star Wars not concerned one bit by a two second sound bite of “NOOOO!”

 The stupid part is, the originals are out there, if you do a google search and aren’t afraid of that pesky bit torrent technology. It’s not HD but for the moment if will suffice.

  The most irritating aspect of this entire debate is that Lucas is singled out when he is certainly not the only director to go back and correct his films with added content or differently edited scenes. His pal Steven Spielberg did a redo of sorts with his masterpiece “E.T.-The Extra Terrestrial,” in 2002 by removing shots of some threatening shotguns and replacing them with Walkie-talkies. More scenes of Elliot and ET, (CG version) laughing it up were added. How about when Walter Hill did some alterations to his cult classic, “The Warriors,” by adding comic book style transitions and cutting a few seconds from the running time or when Ridley Scott shot some new scenes for the blu-ray release of his sci-fi noir, “Blade Runner. Director William Friedkin added back in deleted scenes and new footage to the 2000 re-release of “The Exorcist.” Yet, the majority of those changes go unnoticed, nary a vocalized objection is heard, and why?

 The standard answer is, because the originals are not available and this is where I scream because if anyone thinks the originals will never be available they are the king of the idiots. Lucas is one crafty bastard and a tease, because by delaying the release of the originals, he will have everyone, (the complainers anyway) so mind-screwed that come the 40th anniversary of the release of the original Star Wars they will be ready to purchase the big box set with the originals intact without hesitation.

Mark my words.

Many fanboys have expressed their outrage by saying they will boycott the blu-rays. Yeah, right! Since fanboys have about as much self-control as Charlie Sheen, I have some ocean front property in Arizona for sale to those interested.

 Right before entering the Darkside Cave on Dagobah, Luke asks, “What’s inside?” Yoda’s reply, “Only what you take with you,” Luke took his Light saber ready for battle and saw a prophetic vision. Such is the case with the enraged fanboys who take a battle stance every time Lucas releases something, they are ready to pounce and are surprised that they are not only full of rage, but disappointment. They get what they expect, yet they do not want it (huh?). In watching the movies with these alterations, they get only what they take with them. If disappointment and rage is what you covet, you get it. Way to go! It’s all on you!

Give it a rest and grow up! 

 You do not have to agree with or even like the changes that were made. Do a Google search, find a bit torrent site and you will find your beloved originals if you must! Love it or lump it, whatever, but do not say you refuse to watch these movies in the most pristine format they’ve ever been available because you feel those alterations completely destroy the entire saga, because that is simply not true. That is the worst kind over over-reacting horse squeeze ever cooked up. If you honestly believe that, well, that is sad and you are doing yourself an enormous disservice. For me, the magic is still there and now I have six Star Wars movies to enjoy on blu-ray!

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

In the summer of sequels, prequels, remakes, reboots, rehashes, revivals, reappraise, and redo, I was afraid “X-Men: First Class” was a fluke. Instead, lightening hath struck twice!
Without contradicting or insulting previous installments, “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” manages to create its own identity as not only a great stand alone, film, but also one that sets the stage for a brand new trilogy for those damn dirty apes.
A prequel to the 1968 original, James Franco stars as Scientist, Will Rodman, a young scientist seeking a cure for Alzheimer’s disease and Andy Serkis as Caesar, the chimpanzee borne of that research. John Lithgow is Franco’s father, the first human subject who responds well to the new drug at first, but soon his immune system fights off the cure and succumbs to the disease. Ceasar, however, gains super intelligence and becomes restless, first wanting to play with children outside. He then gets in trouble with the law for injuring an ill-tempered neighbor. For his punishment he sent a “sanctuary” where the administrator, John Landon played by the creepy Brian Cox, promises he will have a good life, abuses the animals along with his sadistic cohort and son, Dodge Landon, played by Tom Felton, (Draco Malfoy, Harry Potter’s nemesis). It is here when Ceasar thrives and begins to show signs of true intelligence. He becomes angry, disillusioned, focused, determined to escape from his human oppressors.
Andy Serkis, lauded and over-praised for his performance as the irritating Gollum in the over-rated annoying “Lord of the Rings” flicks, shows off his stuff here as Ceasar, it’s an amazing performance and proves how magical modern movie effects can be when applied in creative and clever ways. This is Serkis’s best work since “King Kong,” it is phenomenal as he gets the chimps gate, its personality, it’s demeanor down eerily perfect. He won’t, but come Oscar season, he should be acknowledged, because it is a performance where technology and art merge flawlessly. It surpasses Kong in many ways as none of us has seen a 50 feet ape in action, but here, the Chimp’s movements are uncanny. The facial close-ups especially are quite unsettling in their conviction.
We know from the giddy-up that the chimps are fake, but it fools us many times, as to how convincing it all is. Computer generated humans and animals still have that “Fake” look, sure, it’s all fake, but there are some things done now that can be photorealistic, but humans and animals can not at this point come off totally convincing, but in a strange way it works for the film and the character of Ceasar as he’s not your typical chimp. He becomes a real character we can feel for, when he is being abused we hope he bites their faces off and give a good cheer when he gets his revenge on Landon. Inside the sanctuary are the films best moments as Ceasar befriends the other apes, chimps, and the one orangutan and uses his smarts to organize and prepare for an uprising.
Even though I was compelled to sing the Troy McClure song from the stage musical of The Simpson’s’ satire, “Stop the Planet of the Apes, I Want to get Off!”, “…from Chim-pan A to Chim-pan Zeee, NO! They’ll never make a monkey out of me…!” I refrained, as I was blown away.
I was impressed with the tightly wound thriller copping the vibe from the glory days of movie sci-fi that goes all allegory on our collective asses. It is moralizing with animal testing and humanities quest to be its own God by dictating its own destiny. Perfect.
I love the film not just for the obvious reasons, but because it fits in nicely with the rest of the series, make for a great starting point. Unlike Star Trek, Star Wars, or even X-men, the filmmakers had tons of wiggle room to work. Other than cryptic lines in the original film by Taylor and a few more in “Conquest of the Planet of the Apes”, by Roddy McDowall’s Ceasar about his ancestor Ceasar, the filmmakers could do whatever they want with that tiny bit of information. There is roughly 3,000 years separating this (potential) trilogy from the original flick so the sky is the limit. I hope that in the next pair of sequels, we will learn how the Apes evolve; how do they defeat humanity with no guns, establish a society with laws and ultimately enslave humans.
The original series of movies created a goofy circular timeline that allows RISE to be a prequel to the original and BENEATH and ESCAPE are its sequels. Cornelius and Zira’s kid, Ceasar from ESCAPE, creates the new timeline in which the ape revolt unfolds in CONQUEST. BATTLE is that film’s sequel with the brand new history intact. That film ends with human and apes getting along leaving the story with nowhere else to go, but backwards!
Tim Burton’s version could fit in anywhere as it is not a direct remake, nor does it contradict anything we know, but an alternate view of Earth ruled by apes, in either the past or future, at this point no cares about those events.
The one thing missing is a great score; Jerry Goldsmith’s genius is missing at the crucial times with his demented, weirdo music.
I remember Franco from a great television series from a decade ago called “Freaks & Geeks!” He played a high school rebel stoner dude who was always in two modes; high or ready to burst into tears and over the years had not done much to shed that image. “Super Bad”, “Spider-Man” and even his stint hosting last years Oscar show, (where many claimed he was high) perpetuated that image until he became a non-entity for me. Whatever his glitch was, he has fixed it, as his performance here is focused and convincing as an egghead research Scientist.
All of the performances are good; Cox is oily, Felton is nasty but Serkis owns the show, his performance, his physicality he brings to Ceasar is nothing short of amazing.
The film also has fun with its storied history, as there are tons of references to the previous films. It seems these kids did their homework and actually watched the original five films.

•  During Ceasar’s escape from the sanctuary, the line, “its madhouse….a madhouse” is uttered as is, “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape,” both spoken by the vile Dodge.
• Ceasar’s mother is nicknamed, “Bright Eyes,” the same nickname given to Taylor (Heston) by Zira in the original film.
• Caesar’s horseback ride on the bridge and the police officer’s reaction to it is akin to the first film’s signature moment when Heston is shocked at the sight of an ape wearing clothes and riding on horseback.
• Caesar’s pronouncement of NO is a major event in the film as it was in “Escape from the Planet of the Apes” when Cornelius explains the ascent and revolt by his species when Ape first uttered the word NO to protest the human mistreatment of his kind. In addition, it ties in with BATTLE when the human teacher is told to never say the word NO to an ape.
• Even the late Heston is allowed a cameo as the television in the Sanctuary is plays one of his movies, “The Agony and the Ecstasy.
• One of the best and most linking is the television newscast of the launching of the rocket ship, Icarus that is headed to Mars. Fans will know this is the name of the ship in the original with Heston and his crew. It is later shown on a newspaper headline that the rocket has been lost, but not totally, as it returns 2,000 years later.

My initial reaction to this was skeptical of course as it felt like another irrelevant remake, but I was completely surprised that the film was this good. Not only telling a smart, compelling story, but also giving life once again to one of my all time favorite movie franchises.

Rock me, Dr. Zaius!

★★★★★